eZanZy

Worries

2009-08-26T07:22:00.000-07:00

Firstly,

my brother is having a very bad cold and I'm too afraid to get near him because I hate colds...seriously.

I'm feeling lethargic at work. My passion for work is diminishing bit by bit. It is really sad when you lose interest and passion in what you do best in life. Well, I'm not saying that I'm ultimately the best but yeah, I'm confident in what I'm doing and of course I give my best in everything.

Lately, things are not looking too well for me at work. I told myself I have to be extra patient especially during Ramadhan. I have always been patient but this time, I'm being tested yet again. I'm frustrated, I'm angry and I'm afraid I'll go berserk soon.

It's just too much for me.

When parents come to me, asking me how am I able to withstand such tedious routines, screaming, crying children, their whinnings, I told them it's part of the job and it's something which I feel I'm good at. Yes,it's crazy but they are afterall children.

It's just that with the situation right now, I'm really frustrated. I'm not able to deliver 'quality' because quantity overrules everything and I hate it.

I would like to be able to do something with my children. Seeing them doing the extraordinary, learning something new or discovering something which is totally beyond anyone's imagination really takes my breath away. It's a lot of hardwork but it pays off.

But now,
I can't seem to to be able to do all that anymore. It's really a domino effect. When children gets restless, we take it in our stride and deliver the best for them. We distract them with something unique and out of this world. But when it gets too much, we get restless too.When that happens, we are not able to deliver. When we are not able to deliver, parents will get a little upset. And that will affect their community circle as well.

It's a chain of thought. It's seriously driving me crazy. It's exactly the same experience I had with my previous centre except that I'm handling a different age group now, the "little twos."
I'm also experiencing back aches.

Some people make it sound so easy. I'm not complaining about my responsibilities as an early educator to young individuals because I love my job but I'm complaining of the fact that I'm not able to deliver and carry my responsibilities well. I do not want to compromise anything especially the children, they're still very young.

I believed, this is the similar problem faced by many pre-school educators in Singapore, in most centres.

People said I'm being too hard on myself....am I? Reality check dude, what is life without challenges? Everything's going to be stagnant. If I'm not challenging myself, everything's going to be stagnant. If you want the best for something, of course you have to work hard and earn it. But if it really gets into your nerves and your goals are not achieved because of certain factors, it's pointless.

I do not wish to drag myself to work, that sucks big time.

My head hurts like crazy at the end of the first session and I totally zonk-out. I have a few back-logs and I have not been updating..why? I'm frustrated!

Happiness

2009-08-22T22:54:00.000-07:00

When one is too giving, is that a good sign? In lieu of Ramadhan, I feel that we're being very gracious.

Personally,

I've been in that position and I believe I still am.

When I give, I give sincerely but why is it that I feel sad after that?It's not a matter of giving too much or too little but why such melancholy feelings.

I tell myself this all the time: Whenever I feel that there is no giving in return, smile and omit all those bad feelings I have. Allah swt knows and credit is given when it is due.

However I also feel that there should be a mutual understanding and initiative should be taken in order to make the other party feel better. One can always say that he/she is committed in something (anything be it at work, sports, examinations and even relationship) but does he/she feels happy about it? Does he/she feel that the commitment given is all worth it?

For me it depends on the individual.

For examinations, it's really up to the individual. We can only do our best in everything and whatever that's being achieved there and then is a living proof of our hardwork,dedication and commitment.

For work, sometimes when we commit and give too much for the benefit of others, there are times when people forget to appreciate and often takes advantage of our kindness. That's sad!

In sports,
hmmm......I've played hockey with a team who is full of energy,confidence and fighting spirit. There are however a couple of black sheeps who feels that they need not do much for the team because others are doing it so why bother. This can be frustrating and I feel it all boils down to team work and not every man for himself.

In relationship,
I fear to give my comments on this. Love should be au natural. I am yes...committed to a relationship which I have been building for more than 18 months and I am finding ways on taking it into the next level, doing everything I can to make both parties happy.

However, I am also guilty of the fact that sometimes I feel that my other half is not doing enough. When this happens, I pray for forgiveness and that God gives me the strength and patience to withstand all odds. Against all odds, I continue to believe and learnt to forgive.

Then again, initiative should not be taught. Feelings are not taught, not bought and same goes for happiness. We can only sort them out and seek for them.

One can only wait and wait...patiently.

When was the last time I did something for myself which makes me really happy?

Endurance

2009-08-21T18:26:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah Ramadhan is here. But....

too bad lah, I can't fast on the very first day of Ramadhan due to ...hai...what else lah kan...menses!

But it's ending so I can fast tomorrow...woohoooo!

Now on slightly heavier note,

I have deep, sinking feeling in my heart and this question kept ringing inside my head,

"Am I love for my 'company'- me being there through every ups and downs, my strength and imperfections OR my dollars and cents?"

Why is there a need to shout or be grouchy when all I did was to be polite and be nice...sigh

I seek comfort in Him, only He, Allah swt can hear me out and gives me directions to the right path...insyallah

Great green pasture

2009-08-18T07:31:00.001-07:00

People always say this, "Oh...this grass is greener on the other side!" (hmm..I beg to differ!)

Look at me,

I found my great green pasture. The only problem I have with it now is that, my supposedly great green pasture is not that great and not that green after all. Sigh.....

Back in Literature days, I used to study this text by Thomas Hardy entitled, "Return of the Native." It's a great book but it's just too long that it bores me to death at times.

However, some of the events associated in the book are related to what life is all about now.

This book talks largely about nature and the importance of staying true to ourselves, our roots and respecting nature.

Egdon Heath is a plot which is greatly personified to an extent that readers might actually feel that Egdon Heath is a main character in itself. I like this book but I force myself to read it, so I have a love-hate relationship with the great Thomas Hardy...hehe!

Why am I relating my great green pasture to Egdon Heath?

In the book, Egdon Heath has taken away the lives of those who does not respect nature and does not stay true to their roots and culture. (Now...is this the correct subject matter, I'll be shot dead by Mdm Sharmala if she thinks this is crappy...hahahahaha!)

It is not all bad being in Egdon Heath but just like humans, nature deserves respect too.

Wherever I am right now, I have a certain amount of displeasure which really brings me great distress at times. It's hard to play the good guy all the time and it's not a totally nice thing to play the devil's advocate just to get your message across to others.

So how.....nothing's being done as of yet and it's bugging me.

Will I share the same fate as those who suffered in Egdon Heath or will I be strong to overcome whatever obstacles and challenges that were posed to me by Egdon Heath itself?

"Apa kau merepek setan!"

18 months and 6 days

2009-08-15T21:55:00.000-07:00

I was extremely upset that I couldn't celebrate National Day because my family and relatives were too excited over the short road trip to Malaysia. In a nutshell, the road trip kinda suck a little because it started out bad and my aunt was involved in a road accident when we made our way back to Singapore.

The only thing I'm happy about is the fact that I get to eat HALAL Subway in KL, getting to spend more time with my aunts, uncles and little cousins and the fact that all 21 of us got home unhurt. Although my aunt's family was still in shock, they're at home and alhamdulillah everyone's fine....that's all.

I couldn't wait to get back to Singapore. It was the 10th and no matter how tired I was and how tired he was, we decided to spend some time together. Afterall, we have been together for 18 months already...this is by far the longest I have been with someone.. and I hope it stays that way...a long way.

I chose to go for Kenko fish spa @ Marina Square. It was a ticklish, giggly experience for the both of us and I'm just glad that we get to spend some time together even though we had to get back home fast due to work commitment on Tuesday.

All I need from you Muhammad Fazli: trust, honesty, responsibility and commitment. I love you :)

Circle

2009-08-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, we have heard of people saying how life is a complete circle when they have achieve their aims and goals in life. Time is also factor.

I'm happy with the way things are now but...I feel it's not complete yet. I'm content...yes...but it's still not enough. Being humans, we are constantly trying to gather as much as we can to be happy.

Let's gather certain facts about life in general:
1) I have a stable job which gives me a stable income. I am happy..yes...but to sustain me for long, I don't think it's enough because cost of living is increasing.

2) I'm not homeless...yes...but in time to come, I will have to move out once I'm married or Ill buy over the house which I do not want to in the first place because I don't need a 5-room flat.

3) I'm with a man now (funny how I put it this way!) OK....fine I'm in a relationship with someone and yes...there were the ups and downs but I'm happy because I have someone whom I'm praying and hoping that he is going to be the one and only...Fazli.

4) I have a great circle of friends (now...this is the only complete circle I've noticed so far...friends!)

5) I do not have a driving license which I hope to get one day so my circle's not complete.

6) I believed that with the money I spent on er...certain things could have been the expenses to bring me to places which I have been wanting to set my foot on for e.g. Australia, London, Dubai, Vietnam, Norway, Germany, Holland, America and etc. I told myself that I would love to backpack but I guess these are just dreams that will take a long time to come true.

7) I have yet to attain a degree...I'm still contemplating.(which I shouldn't be in the first place)

8) I would like my savings account to grow tremendously but each time it grows, I had to ruin it by taking it out for certain purposes. That really sucks!

9) I hope to get married on my 25th birthday which is like what...next year. Whether or not it will come true is a totally different thing altogether.

10) I would like to have my own children by the time I'm 26 which is like in 2 years time but I think this can only be made possible if I'm married in the first place.

I can give you a whole complete list if I want to because as a human being, it is never enough. It's just like women and shopping...it's never enough. It's just like men and their bikes and cars, it is never enough.

I have been teasing Faz about his bike and though we have spend like more than 1k on it, it is never complete. In my perspective, it is complete but I don't know much about bikes so in his terms, it is only the beginning and there's more to come. Sigh........

Savings....we have started with this but it's going on really slow. I did freelancing at times and I thought this can be used as an surplus to be added to our savings account but something always crop up at the last minute and the money which I earned within the week is gone within seconds.

Sometimes when I think about it, I just couldn't accept it. I'm not even married but this is happening to me. I get frustrated at times.

Then again, I told myself that this is part and parcel of life and it is only the beginning. When I looked at my parents, they have come this far to support my brother and I in everything. It's good enough that I have a place to reside, without them, I guess I'll be on the streets.

But right now, I'm supporting myself. My parents have stopped supporting me and this is the life I'm leading right now....a start to everything. I do feel the pinch but I guess everyone's going through it right now.

Then I think about God, He decides everything....afterall he created me. However there's a famous quote, "Carpe Diem" which I believe truly in it about seizing the day. We can't have it our way all the time and life's about seizing the day, one day at a time. It's good to plan ahead but I guess that's a whole different story altogether.

Life is also about waiting for the right moment to act, for me..... I feel it's the right moment but this will only put pressure on the people around me.

The thing I really hope and wish for, something which I have been praying for all this while is:

complete trust, responsibility and commitment.....that's all I need.

bills

2009-07-31T11:06:00.000-07:00

Yes....finally salary's in so now I can settle all my bills and do the proper savings adjustment and procedures.

I have a kenduri to attend tomorrow at Tampines...aiyoh!

On a lighter note, I finally had a piece of Harry Potter.
Hai....too many uncuts, the book was well-elaborated!

For a start, they did not really show the Prime Minister of Britain talking to the Minister of Magic. I would love to see that!

Then,the meeting with Professor Slughorn was a bit too short.

There was a part that was misleading though. On the way to Hogwarts, when Harry was eavesdropping on Malfoy, he was under Malfoy's curse and I clearly remembered Tonks (the spiky-haired) witch who found him not Luna Lovegood. That's strange!

I also don't remember Tonks and Remus Lupin being married too, I thought they were married after...or maybe I'm wrong!

Faz was sleeping the last 2hours of the movie...goodness,hehehe!

I teared on 2 occasion in this movie,

1) When Hermione saw Ron snogging Lavender, she cried in Harry's arms, I teared. She really loves him bu tshe just din say.

2) When Albus Dumbledore died under the avada kedavra curse, I teared too as everyone took out their wands and lighten up the place, "Lumos!"

The movie did not show the proper burial of Albus Dumbledore,damn.....I would love to see the mermaids saying their goodbyes to him, the half-horse-half-human (what's his name?) and the other gang shooting arrows as they paid tribute to the greatest wizard. Oh well maybe they show it in the last movie..I hope...pls pls....it's so intense. Faz said I'm crazy!

Oh yes, there were frightening scenes too especially when Harry tried to get water from the lake for Dumbledore and a hand caught him,my goodness...my heart skipped a bit. Aiyoh.....

Oh well, there were a lot of talking but I enjoyed it nonetheless, Thanks for the treat love!

Ecod....

body ache

2009-07-31T03:18:00.001-07:00

I'm on 2 days MC...yerp yerp

I don't wish to have a severe back problem but I think the lack of exercise, lack of water and lack of proper routine seems to take its toil on my back. It was aching really bad that I had no choice but to see the doctor.

I'm feeling a little better now....I hope!

On a heavier note, I got to know that my children are giving my lao shi a hard time...hmmm....once Ms Ezan gets back..."jaga korang!"

PLus,

our salaries been delayed...and this is like the second time. I hate this! We worked so hard and the least we expect from the company is a delayed in our salary.

I have loads of bills to settle and this has to happened.

Oh well... I hope I get it tomorrow. I hope to visit a sinseh soon to get a check on my back.

Ecod....

pictures

2009-07-25T07:16:00.001-07:00

Updates!! Nothing much except pictures...enjoy!

Naz's suprise birthday party cum bbq at East Coast Park.

l-r: me, Nazrah, Wirda and Hawa

l-r: Max & hawa, Faz and I, Pervez and Naz, Wirda and Nurdin

More weird shots!

Faz and I can't stop goofing around!

Finally...a formal shot!

Trust is pivotal at this point in time, I hope you'll stay true to what you said to me before!

A job from Nunu

Hanging out with the little toddies....

Don't we just love our new telescope...hahaha!

We love the outdoors. "Oooh...an airplane Ms Ezan!"

I miss Ryan. My godson in class,hehehe...I miss you, so sad that you had to leave us!

I made friends with Faz's friend and Syaiful's gf stays 10 minutes away from me...nice!

Syaiful and Nor Asmida

What a Saturday!

2009-07-25T06:36:00.001-07:00

It was a plain-lazy Saturday for me.

I got home late the night before, and I thought of sleeping till the late afternoon on a Saturday but I couldn't. My mom will kill me if I want to.

I woke up at 10am today, brush my teeth, wash my face and start to vacuum the whole house before mopping. I cleared some of the unwanted junk in my room before taking a shower. Breakfast was a simple banana with nuts bread,ommelette and roti boyan.

Mom cooked asam pedas today but I don't feel like having asam pedas today. (cerewet me!)

I played my PSP for a while, plurk-ed for a while, face-booked, chatted with Nas for a while about sports and life in general before I went to sleep again. So lazy......oh my goodness!

I tried to complete my portfolios which is due in 2 weeks time but I have to submit a week before the parent-teacher meeting for vetting. I'm oh-so-dead right now!

I was bored...yes...very!

I msg-ed Faz but no reply. I called him,he did not pick up. Ok...done...I'm not going to call anymore.

Eventually at 4pm while I was still half-groggy and half-dizzy, he called me. We talked for a while and then I went back to sleep. My parents were out and my brother just got back from camp. I decided to try my luck in portfolios again at 5pm but PSP was calling me.

When night came, Faz msg me and wanted to trade my mom's asam pedas with his mom's mee goreng. I'm ok with anything and we met for say less than 20 minutes before parting ways.

It's a boring Saturday for me. Somehow I miss doing things like going to the movies, window-shopping, jogging around the estate and stadium, doing my hits and sweeps under the block and etc.

I can't do all that because I have work to do but I kept procrastinating. Sometimes I do envy people who do not need to bring work home. Hai.........oh well, stop procastinating Ezan and do your work!

On a lighter note, I'm looking forward to next month's salary because I know that I'll be able to save more since I switched to Starhub for all my needs....that makes me a hub club member.

The bill came and in total: my phone bill, Internet and cable tv cost me $80.00 in all. I'm like super happy because I used to pay 200-250 bucks for these bills and my savings was cut-short.

I have a list of things to do and it needs to be done:

1) Clear bills
2) Visit the bank to get my ibanking password done
3) Clean my wadrobe
4) Portfolios
5) Children's observation jotter book...I haven't been updating, I'm dead!
6) Newsletter...goodness!
7) Call up my aunt or Kak Nonie's sister for the alteration of kain for Hari Raya.
8) Update Fazliezan's savings account.
9) Jogging
10) Get a pair of shoes and more clothes...yes....I do need them!

Going back to number 8), I've been managing the finances lately. I've been doing that well since erm... the beginning of this year. It started out well but ever since Faz paid his bills and settled his installment plan and other repairs for the bike, he barely has enough for himself. So lucky thing, we had spare savings with me since I've been managing it. We did not want to use it up but we did not really expect all this to happen so I had to make sure that we used it up wisely for the month of July. This is the reason why I cook for him lunch every morning so that he need not spend at work.

I have my tution assignments too so that helps to support the both of us. I did not want to ask from my parents because I know they have things to pay for too. I hope to put in more into our savings and this time, I'll be stricter than ever with our savings.

I'm back to plurking now and oh-yes turkish delights...thanks to Cik Julie who just got back from Dubai. She's just visiting for a while and I hope I can make a trip to Dubai someday...hai...when will that be?

plurking

2009-07-18T20:43:00.000-07:00

All right... I'm not really sure what plurking is but all I know is that, "it's good...hahaha!"

However... your chat session or should I say plurking session is not private unless you privatised it...so this means THE WORLD will know what you're plurking about.

PLURK!

best meal...I like it!

2009-07-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

Ok...out of the three meals which I cooked for him, I believed today's meal is the best and I almost had it for myself.

Simple... but he said the vegetables could have been more.

*Noted...sweets.....

On a heavier note,
I'm expecting an influx of children sometime next week. Save me.....

Breathe....

2009-07-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

After the huge emotional drama, things are finally settling in.

Alhamdulillah...

I'm still scared though...to trust and I told him that. He understands and he's trying his best to regain that trust back from me. I'm slowly learning to trust again.

He's finally working full-time after all the waiting. I'm happy and thankful that he got a job that will at least determine everything...the future per say. I miss him sometimes for this time he's really far, far away from where I'm working...Jurong Island is really, really far away but I pray for his health, safety and happiness and hopefully things will prosper for him and me...of course.

We've been talking, planning and though I'm still hurt a little bit inside, I'm learning to let it all go. I can't forget the things that happened, it's just there...a scar that will remain there... always!

After the emotional lerdown, I am little concern about taking the next step but I have to trust and this time around, I guess it's time for the parents-to-meet-the-parents. It's giving me a little goosebump, not sure how this will turn out but hopefully it'll be ok....yikes.

On a lighter note, I prepared his first FULL-MEAL for work today. I woke up at 5am, prepared all the necessary ingredients and start cooking. It took me 1hr and 20 minutes to prepare everything for him. Everything I did reminded me of the things that I wish did not happen to me but this hurtful feeling only made me stronger and I told myself that sincerity comes from the heart and I know I love him a lot (if only he knows how much he means to me!) so the preparation was not too difficult for me.

I got a call during lunch time from his office and I was feeling a little nervous. I'm not sure whether the rice tasted fine, the vegetables and the main stew...it was just scary. But alhamdulillah he likes it and that made my day soon after. I have to cut down on the salt intake though, I overlook on this matter but the encouragement I had from him was good enough for me.

Back to the kitchen for tomorrow's full meal.....

Forgiveness

2009-06-30T08:02:00.001-07:00

It's hard to forget and it has definitely left a scar..which is permanently there.

The damage is done,I forgave everything that happened but I can never forget.

We're moving on. We're not brooding on it.

I know it's not that easy, the word "trust" is too flimsy in this case so I guess he has to earn it...back to square 1.

emotional wreck

2009-06-29T07:14:00.001-07:00

No updates...sorry!

I've not been meeting some of my friends like the ones from soccer,well..I know they might be reading this,one or two....I'm fine but not entirely fine!

I'm slowly healing!

I almost gave up but I gave this hamba Allah another chance.

This is by far the most painful experience for me.......why is it that when we love someone so much...too much...we get "ditched" at the end of the day....with too many lies.

I almost gave up...almost but I hang on.

Subhanallah...

Please...I have feelings...I had enough of crying,......enough.....

It's because I love you too much that I can't even bring myself to say "I hate you" because I love you....too much...too much!

balance updates!

2009-06-23T07:36:00.001-07:00

Pattern papers for sale. $1.50 each. Great paper to make cards and etc.

Cards still on for sale. Left with the green set only!

Cards for sale...butterfly card SOLD, the rest are still available!

All these cards are still up for grabs!

Bookmarks for sale...handmade...not too small,quite noticeable, selling @ $1.50 each!

Bags for sale.

Balance: Brown flower and checkered tote bag for $8.00 (O.P: $22.90)

Pink Victoria's Secret bag (original): can fit A3 size art folder: $10.50

What a week!

2009-06-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

Brain freeze...literally for a moment.

Practicum's over,submission of lesson plan ---> DONE!

I need to mug for my theory exams which is this Thursday and there's so many things to read-up and sorta understand..or memorize I supposed!

I'm planning a trip to the Underwater World for my little chubby-chukkers on the 3rd July 2009. I've been to the Underwater World once with my previous group of students but I did not get to visit the Dolphin Lagoon. This time around, Dolphin lagoon is included...yipppeee!

I'm still waiting for my boss to vet the consent form before giving it out to the parents.

Flea market: also over!

Not bad...though super tiring! Both Fai and I made about $84.00 in total. Last minute, I decided to bring down anything that's sellable in my room and true enough, the response was ok-lah. The money helped to pay the bills though!

Movies:

Ghosts of girlfriend's past.......AWESOME...triple awesome! I wanna watch it again!

Meet-up:

Had a quick lunch meet-up with my old classmates from JI/MI....1 "bubble" us though...it's really sad to see our dear friend change..oh well...her choice for not joining us.

Zabid joined us at the very last minute,hahahahaha...I've always called him Zabidah, the thorn among the rose. It was great meeting them even though it was a short lunch meet-up at Ria Penyet @ Lucky Plaza.

For now, back to mugging!

Finally here!

2009-06-20T13:52:00.001-07:00

It's amost 5am and I'm still not asleep. Flea market is 4 hours away and I'm still not sleeping. I'm seriously in dead meat!

I had to do some last minute adjustment to the cds and do some quick sorting for all the other stuff tomorrow. I collected the cards from Siti today and my goodness, they were all greatly made. I truly enjoy admiring each and every card....such talent!

Items sold: Original CDs, second-hand bags, books, gifts, a pair of shoes, bookmarks and pattern papers!

CDs for sale

2009-06-13T21:47:00.000-07:00

All CDs are in good condition.

Peter Andre: $4.00

Amy Whinehouse: $6.00

James Morrison: $6.00

Jewel: $5.00

Rachael Yamagata: FREE IF you purchase all 3 CDs in this group category.

Michael Jackson: $4.00 (sorry no album cover,only the back cover but CD IN gd condition)

LA BAMBA ost soundtrack: (great soundtrack album in gd condition): $4.50

Elvis Gold 30 No. 1 hits: $7.90

The Bee Gees Gold CD: $6.50, 20 tracks SOLD

Elvis 2 platinum CD: 2CDs for $7.90 SOLD

Smash mouth: $6.00 (no album cover but this is a smashing album, CD in good condition!)

Romantic love songs: more than 10 tracks $4.00

Kitaro instrumental: $4.00 SOLD

Now 1994 (2CDs) : 2CDs for $6.00 (remember those Fun Factory and Ace of Base era, this is it!)

Avex Trax: dance music (2 CDs for $4.00)

N Sync: $5.50

FIVE: $5.50

Boyband era, I'm glad I'm part of that era and certainly not ashamed of it! :)

Westlife coast to coast: $5.50

Hanson: MmmmmBop...hehehe: $4.50

Best of reggae and ska: smashing album

2CDs for $9.00 SOLD

Dave Matthews Band

2 CDs for $11.00 (original price: $26.90 HMV)

Akarna's Fresh meat album: $4.00

Kings of Leon: $10.90 slashed down to $8.50 (original price: $21.90)

Oasis Be here now: $8.00

Red hot chilli peppers: $9.00 (SOLD TO NAZRAH!)

Fountains of Wayne: $6.00

The CRanberries Bury the hatchet: smashing album: $9.00 plus a FREE cranberries live in concert album

DA PUMP: yes...i'm a J-POP fan: cool band: $7.00

Limpbizkit: $7.00 SOLD

P.O.D: $6.50

Gangsta Rap: $4.00

A MUST-BUY for all you roadtrip lovers but ONLY if you're a Kings of convenience fan or beginning to embrace their music and culture

Quiet is the new Loud: $14.00 (O.P: $23.90 HMV)

Riot on an empty street: $12.00 (O.P: $21.90 HMV)

Gorillaz: $6.00

The offspring: $4.00

The Calling, "Camino Palmero" : $6.50

The Alternative issue 2: $7.00 (for all you alternative junkie!)

Weezer: $6.00 (5 stars)

Trinket: $5.00 (genre is as almost as The Weezer but slightly mellow)

SugarRay 14.59: $6.50 ( 4 stars)

Greenday International hits: $10.50

Greenday Nimrod: $9.00

Buy both to get a free Greenday Live in Woodstock album 94.(Knockout album, evergreen classic)

Incubus: $10.00 (O.P: $21.90 HMV)

The Verve: $6.50 (O.P: $21.90 HMV)

Modern rock 2: $5.00 (O.P $18.90 HMV)

Wired-up 2: $5.00

SCDF

2009-06-13T05:53:00.000-07:00

oK this is weird but true!

I'm not sure what got into me BUT.....

here I am surfing the SCDF webpage.

I am reading through the pre-requisites of a 'Fire & Rescue specialist" and the "Paramedic specialist."

Actually, I had this thought long time ago. I am a little keen on this job prospect.

However,

I have to give this much thought.

I shared this with beau and he was a bit reluctant to let me join. As for me, I don't even know whether I am fit enough for the job.

It's just a passing thought!

Mouse

2009-06-13T05:29:00.000-07:00

It's the Saturday once again. How did I spend my weekend?

Well...I stayed at home to finish up on my assignment. 2 more lessons to Phonics class and that's the end!

Practicum starts next week.

My parents labelled me as a "mouse" today. I stayed in one corner of the living room.What was I doing? I was completing my work of course. There were papers everywhere,stationaries, my CDs in one corner waiting to be sold and other junks included.

I did not eat a single proper food today. What I had one whole day was just few pieces of "kuih tart" which my mom baked 2 days ago. She baked them for fun.

All I had for the whole of Saturday was kuih tart,goodness!

I have to go shopping tomorrow, not the GSS sadly. I'm looking for stuff for my school's art craft and my practicum which will take place next Thursday. So many things to do, yet so little time.

Apa ni.......................

Oh yes...Massilia, the little cute French girl will be away for the whole of Term 3. She's going back to France and will only be back in August. Man...I'm going to miss my little Caphucin monkey. Her last day will be on 25th June.

Oh I gave my children a nickname, little Capuchin. Why?

They are so so so so cheeky yet adorable and lovable at the same time. (ok, they make me go crazy at times,lol)

True colours

2009-06-10T06:11:00.000-07:00

I stood for a moment in disbelief.

Now I know....now I know!

True colours finally revealed. I just couldn't believe it, those words cut me off straight and damn....it was deep.

It might be a joke or just a passing remark but it certainly cut me offguard.

I know lah I'm just a ___________

Ok lor....I shall back off then.

I'm just concern that's all.

If it cuts into your way,sorry!

Yes I was all smiles after that, the cowardly me!

Like you said, "What rights do I have?"

Ok then...you win!

CDs for sale (ORIGINAL CDs only)

2009-06-06T21:50:00.000-07:00

Dear fellow netizens,

I am selling my CDs at a flea market on 21st June (Sunday) at Yew Tee, Blk 663 (Choa Chu Kang crest North 7) from 10am-6pm. Interested parties may notfiy me beforehand if you would like to purchase any CDs listed below. Alternatively, you may come down to the flea market at Yew tee.

Only original CDs are being sold here. They are originally purchased at HMV,Music Junction, CD-RAMA and That CD Shop. CDs are being sold at a lowest price of $4.50 to its highest @ $15.80.
CDs were originally sold from $14.90 to $32.90.

*Categories

A)Boybands:

2) Hanson
- Middle of Nowhere (12 tracks with 1 bonus track)
-Featuring hits like MmmBop, Speechless, Where's the Love?
Selling @ $5.50

3) N Sync first album
-13 tracks in all
-Featuring hits like Tearing' up my heart, Here we go, God must have spent a little more time on you, I want you back, I drive myself crazy.
Selling @ $5.50

4) FIVE first album
- 14 tracks in all
-Featuring hits like Slam Dunk' the Funk, When the lights go out, Got the feelin', Until the time is through.
Selling @ $5.50

5) Westlife
-Coast to coast (16 tracks in all)
-Featuring hits like My love, Against all odds feat Mariah Carey, Soledad, What makes a man
Selling at $6.50

6) Da Best of DA PUMP (lol...yes...I was a J-Pop fanatic)
- 17 tracks in all (ALL THE SONGS ARE GOOD even though I don't even know what they're singing about!) Selling Da Pump @ $7.00

B) Solo female/male artist

For CDs under the solo female/male artist, purchase any 3 CDs of any amount under this category, and you will receive a free original Rachael Yamagata album "Happenstance". First come, first served basis.

2) Jewel
-This way album (12 tracks with 2 bonus live tracks)
-Featuring hits like Everybody needs someone sometimes, Standing still, I won't walk away
Selling @ $5.00

3) James Morrison (hot favourite)
- Undiscovered album Singapore edition (11 tracks) Original
-Featuring hits like Undiscovered, You give me something, Wonderful world, The pieces don't fit anymore
Original price: $11.90
Selling @ $6.00

4) Michael Jackson
-History: Past, present and future (15 tracks in all)
-Featuring hits like Scream duet with Janet Jackson, Earth song, Stranger in Moscow,You are not alone, Bad, History and etc.
Selling @ $4.00 (no CD cover, just a back CD cover listing all the tracks, and an original CD which is in good condition!)

5) La Bamba ost soundtrack
- 12 tracks in all
-Featuring hits like La Bamba, Come on Let's go, We belong together, Donna and many others.
Selling at $4.50

6) Amy Winehouse
- Back to Black Singapore/Hong Kong edition (10 tracks in all)
-Featuring hits like Rehab, Me & Mr Jones, Back to Black, You know I'm no good and etc.
Original price: $12.90
Selling at $5.90

7) Peter Andre
-Album "Time" (14 tracks in all)
-Featuring hits like All about us, Lonely, All night all right and etc.
Selling at $4.50

8) Elvis (gold version original CD)
-Album, "30 #1 Hits" plus 1 bonus track
-Featuring hits like A little less conversation, heartbreak hotel, Hound dog, love me tender, all shook up and many other songs.
Bought in KL HMV @ RM43.90 equivalent to $20 odd.
Selling at $7.90

9) Elvis Platinum album
- Album: A touch of platinum: A life in Music (2 CDs, 44 tracks in all)
-Featuring all the hit songs by Elvis Presley
Selling at $7.90

For CDs under the solo female/male artist, purchase any 3 CDs of any amount and you will receive a free original Rachael Yamagata album "Happenstance". First come, first served basis.

C) Reggae & SKA Twin Pack original
- 2CDs in all, 32 tracks in total.
- Featuring hits like 007 Shanty Town, Jamaica Ska, Monkey Man, My boy, Lollipop, Soul Ska, Rstaman's song and many others.
Original price: $18.90
Selling at $8.00

D) Bands

1) Kings of Leon
- Aha, Shake, Heartbreak (12 tracks in all)
Original price: $18.90 HMV
Selling at $8.50
Currently booked by Nurul Beckham (that's what I call her back in school,lol) but no confirmation yet so transfer window is still open.

2) Oasis
- Be here now featuring hits like Stand by me, Don't go away, Be here now and many more.
- 12 tracks in all
Selling at $8.00

3) Akarna "Fresh meat" album
- 10 tracks in all
- Featuring hits like House on fire, So little time (my favourite!), Eat me and many more.
Selling at $4.50

4) The Cranberries "Bury the Hatchet" ( a must-buy album,hot favourite!!!)
- 14 tracks in total featuring hits like Animal instinct, Just my imagination, Promises and etc
Selling @ $9.00
*Purchase any album under the band category together with this album to get a free "The Cranberries Live in concert: Zombie USA 94." First come, first served basis

5) Fountains of Wayne, "Welcome Interstate Managers" album
- 16 tracks in total
Selling at $6.00

6) Dave Matthews Band (2CDs)
- The Best of what's around Volume 1
-20 tracks in all
Original price at HMV: $26.90
Selling at $10.50

7) Red Hot Chilli Peppers (another hot favourite, worth buying!)
- Carlifornication album with 15 tracks in all.
-Featuring hits like Around the world, Carlifornication, Scar tissue, Ootherside and etc.
Selling at $9.00 * RESERVED

8) Kings of Convenience (ALL-TIME FAVOURITE, original import set)
Album 1: Quiet is the new loud with 12 tracks in total.
A must-buy ONLY if you are a fan of the Kings of Convenience. Do not buy on impulse.
- Featuring hits like (ok...all the songs on this CD are superb!)
Original Price: $23.90
Selling @$14.00 (price negotiable)
Album 2: Riot on an empty street, 12 tracks in all
Original price: $21.90 at HMV
Selling @ $12.00 (price negotiable)

10) Gangsta Rap (I'm not a fan of rap, just helping my bro to sell it!)
- 18 tracks in all, featuring artists like Snoop Dog, Notorious BIG, Ice-T, Dr Dre & etc.
Selling @ $4.00

11) P.O.D, Satellite album (Christina rock band..not bad!)
- 15 tracks in total featuring hits like Satellite, Alive, Boom, Portrait and etc.
Selling @ $6.50

12) Limpbizkit, "Chocolate Starfish and the hot dog flavored water"
-15 tracks in all, featuring hits like my generation, my way, rollin', livin' it up and etc
Selling @ $7.00

13) Modern Rock 2 album
- Featuring artist like Linkin Park, P.O.D, Creed, The goo goo dolls, Nickleback, Staind, Oasis, Bush, Phantom Planet with 18 tracks in total.
Selling @ $5.00

14) Greenday International Superhits (SUPERB, A MUST-BUY!)
- 21 tracks in all and you won't even need to skip a song.
Selling @ $10.00
15) Greenday Nimrod album (another fabulous album)
-18 tracks in total
Selling @ $9.00
Note: Buy both Greenday albums to get a FREE Greenday Live at Woodstock 94 concert. First come, first served basis.

16) Wired-up 2 album
-21 tracks in total. Featuring bands like Filter, Goo goo dolls, Staind, The Hives, Disturbed, Jimmy eat world and more.
Selling at $5.00

17) Incubus, "Light Grenades album" (hard to let go of this album)
- 13 tracks in all
- Featuring hits like (OK...EVERYTHING SOUNDS NICE OK.....)
HMV: $21.90
Selling @ $10.00

18) The offspring- Americana
- 13 tracks in total
Selling @ $4.00

19) Gorillaz - 19 2000 album
- 17 tracks in total with hits like Re-hash, Clint Eastwood, Sound check, Latin simone and etc.
-Worth buying too!
Selling @ $6.00

21) The Calling " Camino Palmero" album
-12 tracks in all
- Featuring hits like Wherever you will go, Andriene, Just that good and etc.
Selling @ $5.00

22) Trinket (same genre as The WEEZER)
- 11 tracks in all
Selling @ $ 5.00

23) Weezer- The green album
- 10 AWESOME TRACKS. (A must-buy)
Selling @ $6.00

24) SugarRay 14.59 album
-13 awesome tracks with hits like Every morning, Someday, Abbacadabra and etc.
Selling @ $6.50

25) The Alternative Issue #2 (especially for all you Alternative junkie)
- Superb album with the likes of Vertical Horizon, The Cardigans, Gin Blossoms, Oasis, The Verve, Silverchair, Everclear and etc.
- 17 tracks in total
Selling @ $7.00

26) The Verve - This is Music , the singles 92-98
- Great album, 14 tracks in all.
Selling @ $6.50
Original price bought from HMV: $21.90

27)Smash mouth (Fush yu Mang album)
- A true classic, 12 awesome tracks back to back.....like totally.
-Featuring hits like Flo, Beer goggles, Walkin' down the sun, Heave-ho, Nervous in alley...OK everything's nice in this album.
Unfortunately I do not have the album cover, the lyrics were misplaced.
Selling @$6.00 ,it's an original CD bought from HMV, grab fast now!

28) The Bee Gees(The very best of Bee Gees, GOLD CD)
-Another true classic.
- 20 tracks in total
- Featuring hits like To love somebody, Massachusetts, Words, You should be dancing, MOre than a woman and etc.
Selling @ $6.50 ( I have 2 of their albums so letting go of one!) A great buy! RESERVED

E) Instrumental/ Bass and drums, dance music, romantic love songs

1) Kitaro- Thinking of you album (instrumental)
-10 tracks in total
Selling at $4.00

2) BMG Romantic love songs
-15 cool tracks in total
-Featuring great artist like Bonnie Tyler, Dionne Warwick, Eric Carmen and more.
Selling at $4.00

3) EMI "NOW 1994" (A TRUE CLASSIC) (2CDs)
- 39 tracks in total
- Featuring great tracks like 'Twist and shout, Just a step from heaven, I'll stand by you, Shine, sweet for my sweet, Light my fire, Everything changes and etc.
Selling 2CDs for $6.00

4) AVEX TRACKS (2CDs)
-more than 18 tracks in total
Selling at $4.00

* Remember, only original CDs are being sold here. All CDs comes with lyrics, back and front album cover, otherwise stated. All CDs being sold here are bought at original music stores like HMV,Music Junction,CD-RAMA and THat CD Shop.

There are unfortunately 4 more CDs which I find it hard to let go because they are my favourites.Interested buyers may wish to contact me personally to negotiate the prices for these CDs.

The CDs are:

1) Interpol
Album 1: InterpolAntics
Album 2: Turn on the bright lights
Album 3: Deluxe Limited editon, Our love to admire

2) Motown (100 essential Motown records)
-100 tracks in all in 5 CDs

assignment

2009-06-06T04:14:00.000-07:00

Stress babe...stress..oklah not that stress.

But serious, stress babe stress.

Ezan, stop lah k.!

My lesson plan: NOT DONE!
My assignment: NOT DONE!
Mugging for final exam: NOT DONE!
Updating portfolios: NOT DONE!

Apa ni......everything's not done.

This is crazy...seriously crazy!

Idid my checklist and I realised that each time I strike off something, another task came to my mind so my checklist is never-ending and this is super irritating and nerve-wrecking.

Flea market is 2 weeks away. I have to help Siti with the preparation. I swear next Tuesday, we're going to go yami-ing and donut-ing at Yami outlet and Chewy Juniors outlet at Bugis.

Dinner at Fong Seng maybe?

I have decided to sell my cds starting from $5.00. That's the lowest price and the highest price would be $12.00. It's so hard to let go of my Greenday albums especially their greatest hits album. I grew up with Greenday. I first listened to Greenday back in Primary 5 before switching to boyband mode for a while (Backstreet Boys....lol)

Then it was back to Greenday.

I will come up with the list here and prolly a separate blog featuring all my CDs if I have the time. Interested parties may alert me if you woud like to purchase my CDs.

Patience

2009-05-31T07:28:00.001-07:00

Patience is a virtue.

I truly agree.

When the going gets tough, one knows that they have to have complete trust, understanding,tolerance,commitment and resposibility between one another.

No matter what happen, believe in the unbelievable and have patience and hope even though there is only a glimmer of light left.

I am speaking this for myself, for the next 29 days or more.

Happiness

2009-05-31T07:28:00.000-07:00

Happiness is not something which money can buy, it has to be sought and pursued.

How do you make everybody happy?

Sometimes the words that were spoken can hurt someone's feelings but deep down you knew that it was never your intention to hurt his/her feelings. All you want is to see them happy, you want to make everybody happy including yourself.

The process in itself is tedious. I feel that the hardest thing that exist in this world is, "making the people around you happy!"

The fact is, you just can't...all the time., no matter how hard you try.

It's a sad and depressing fact isn't it?

Tell me the worst part of this ordeal? While trying one's level best to make someone happy,someone else will get a little upset. One gets a little depress in the process of trying to make everybody happy.

It's sad,it's sad....

What does one have to do?You love the people around you but how can you be at a position where you don't compromise everyone's needs,desires and feelings...how?

Scrap-booking

2009-05-29T07:21:00.000-07:00

Maiden attempt

A day for scrapbooking,although ehem2...we could have used the time wisely to do lots of things (but we did not...woops!)

I had my first try in scrapbooking thanks to adik Siti.

She has loads of scrapbooking stuff and the room feels like a mini scrap-booking workshop,hehehe. I made a card today, a simple card. It's a maiden attempt for me. So far so good...but Siti can make a better job than me, she's a pro.

Whatever it is, I had a great time doing it together with her, chatting away about stuff,gossiping (hahahaha!)

We're preparing ourselves for the upcoming flea market which we have both sign up for on the 21st June 2009. It will be held opposite my block in Yew Tee and we'll be selling handmade cards, bookmarks, self-decorative candles (I bet Siti will create wonders with the candles *winkz), CDs...OH YES...I finally decided to sell ALL my CDS including my all-time favourite band:Interpol.

I won't be selling the limited edition of it though and even if I have to, it'll be at the original price because you won't find it in the market.

The crowd as I predicted will be a mixture of young children and aunties so I bet my CDs won't work well with them since there's King of Leon, Kings of Convenience, Interpol, Greenday and many other bands involved. Adik managed to create a leaflet/brochure to advertise our products. I'll be listing down names of the bands as well so as to attract a younger crowd.

I do know that with the mass production of mp3s,psps and other downloading site available online, people don't really buy CDs anymore but hey it's worth a try.

All the CDs which was bought at HMV at the original price will be sold from $3- $12. My Backstreet Boys collection will be $5.00, LOL.....

Ecod...

random yet again!

2009-05-27T07:53:00.001-07:00

It has come to my attention that there are times when Suriachannel lacks er.....(sorry, no offence) appeal HOWEVER......one show that will never be missed AND it is a must-watch-show for me: Erlin Montel.

LOL...random

I was looking for PVC sheet in my cupboard but there wasn't any. I stumbled upon hundreds of old and some recent photographs and I had fun looking at them. I had plenty of work to do but yet I did this....can you believe it?

Oh well, random...

Personal random montage..bla bla bla...

Freaks and geeks

2009-05-26T08:17:00.000-07:00

Flashcard done!

Pure doodling, I love to doodle! I drew a monkey...a successful attempt for me...finally.... but it's not that perfect though.

Can you believe this? I dreamt about work...goodness!

Ahhh...my little hilly-billies....

The "lazy" meal...super fast and steady but not necessarily healthy!

Ok.....it's been a rollercoaster ride for me.

Besides juggling work at work, night class,tution and assignments, looking after the household is the last thing I would want to worry about.

I SERIOUSLY need to shop...yes...shop.

I have not been rewarding myself with anything and I'm feeling the blues already. I worked too hard but I hardly reward myself instead er...I gave out "my rewards" in a bid to make my loved ones happy. Classic altruism eh...hahaha....more like generosity.

My colleagues and I were just sharing our thoughts at work about our deadlines,newsletter,lesson plan, field trip and etc. It's driving me bonkers.

On top of that, the portfolios needs to be updated, this has been a constant failure for me since I always forget to update them. I'm just soooooooo tired...........very tired.

Perharps juggling tution,night class and work is too much for me? Hmmm...the thing is, I don't really feel tired during night class or during my tution with my 2 new students. I feel tired of work...yes my work at work. I still love my children though but I go 'weak in the knees' each time I make a checklist of the things that's needed to be done.

It gets so bad that I even see children in my dreams. It's bad when you dream about work,it's crazy.

On a lighter note, I've completed my assignment. I have loads of reading to do before my final practicum and examination,oh dear!!

Ecod

Too many things

2009-05-21T09:30:00.000-07:00

What a week.

Lethargic, busy, sleepy....

June's coming. I'm getting dizzy....finances, finances.

Next month's expenditure is a little high (a little? Hahaha!)

Finally, we have decided to come to an agreement. I'll be managing the accounts starting on the 3rd week of June. We're starting small but I guess it's a stepping stone. We'll contribute a small amount to our "cold savings" weekly and I hope it goes well.

I have my assignment and presentation due next week. Die....

I'm feeling lethargic at work at times, a litte strange too at times. I'm not supposed to be feeling this way but somehow I'm feeling it, This is bad!

I'm hanging on to it.

Oh dear....

"Kan-chiong spider"

2009-05-14T08:52:00.000-07:00

Ok....this is it!

I attended my first class today...jolly molly... I was the youngest student amongst the 18 students in class. My coursemates were all above 30 years old and 85% of them are MARRIED with children.

I was feeling anxious and I almost peed in my pants when we went through the ice-breaker games. Suddenly, I felt strange for the first time. I'm usually a very laid-back,cool and calm person during ice-breaker games but this time around, I was so nervous.

Looking across the room at all these women, no...I should say Mothers and mothers-to-be, I felt so little. I felt like a wet pet who got stuck in the rain, pardon my pun.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed the class except for the yakking. I'm ok with yakking...but woah...these women can really,really,really yak and yak and yak. They yak about their children and I think we spent like 30 minutes debating on what's currently happening to their children. I'm like "oh gosh...I'm dying!"

My lecturer was this cool and boisterous woman,very "gila-gila" so the class wasn't boring at all. By the way, I'm taking a Phonics class.

So I guess it's au natural for all these mothers to be shrieking in madness knowing that there is so much in Phonics, the phonemes, the graphemes and all those general out-of-this world terms which I have never come across with. And guess what? Jeng jeng jeng....if you think primary school teachers, secondary school teachers,pre-U teachers or even your University lecturers are teaching you or speaking to you using proper pronounciation...uh-huh...you are wrong.

Wanna know why? I got to know that....that....uh-huh......some MOE teachers are not fully-equipped and well-versed in phonetics. Jeng jeng jeng....and that's a fact! So apa kata pay-cut for them huh huh huh?

I'm having a presentation in 4 weeks time, which is my practical exam followed by my theory exam soon after....oooooohhh....back to mugging. Oooooohhh...I miss mugging for exams.....sicko!

I thought I could escape with essays this time around but no......there's the usual mcqs, essay and the one which I don't really fancy: open-ended essays.......sheesh!

But, it's money worth paid for because everything is directly from Cambridge, London School of teaching so yeah....value for money.

I have to do a few readings this weekend. I have to participate in online forums, can you believe it? Part of my assignment and exam is based on my my participation online? I have to be active in the teaching forum and not to mention constantly updating on lesson plan.

Like woah..........I'm still getting used to being a student again!

Not random this time

2009-05-12T06:46:00.000-07:00

This may sound outrageous,hmm...

I had this thought long way back...say 4 years ago.

I had this thought: I would like to pursue a career overseas.

I was indeed busy doing up some research,exploring and gathering facts and details about SEA countries, Middle East and last but not least, Down under.

There were great prospect overseas for Early Childhood education overseas. I was reading up on the early childhood prospects in UAE,Norway, Dubai, Indonesia, India and it was indeed intriguing. At the age of 20, I felt the adrenalin rush.

I was young, I had this crazy ambition but I HAVE NO MONEY!

Furthermore, my parents don't even know about this but I waited for an opportunity to tell them about this.

It's not easy but being young, I had the energy, the inner motivation to seek out whatever that's available out there.

I was fickle though. I was doing loads of contemplation until I narrowed down my choices: Dubai, Australia.

Then I told myself: So is this it?

3 years down the road, I started picking up new skills, made a few contacts around the world when suddenly I met...ehem ehem....the love of my life! (the present one)

I was over the moon...(oh come on, don't deny this, everyone knows how falling in love makes one feel!)

Suddenly, my goals and perspective in Life started to change. I started mapping out new possibilities in life.
I've never considered marriage, children, owning a house but right after my 23rd birthday, things took a different toll.

I started bringing marriage into life. Ok...I'm not getting married now but it's just that, my goals have changed.

But...........

as time passes by and looking at the economy, the surrounding, I started digging back "the old facts."

Back then, being single, I had no one to worry for except maybe my family. But now, I'm sharing my life with someone. If God willing, He gives me positive signs to tell me that, "he is really the one!"

I had a minor discussion with Faz over this. He seems pretty 'ok' with it, hmmm..I don't know. My parents are worried when I blurted out the idea to them.

So Plan A still seems very blurry....still. I'm glad Nunu made a decision and kudos to her for making 'Down under' her home.

Anyway, so what's next?

Well.....house. Yes.....whatever it is... I would like to have my own house.

I told my parents about it and they were very supportive (but I can hear them chuckling to themselves at times!) and they told me to save up.

So...I guess for now....I don't know....it still seem so blurry.

For now, life means, waking up every morning to ----> "Good morning, good morning, it's nice to see your smiley face. Good morning, good morning to you and to me. Hello, how are you? Hello, how are you? Hello, how are you, how are you today?It's good to see Ms Ezan here......"

LOL....bummer

p/s: Oh goodness....potty-training is totally wacko-doodle. "Ms Ezan....I did my wee-wee already"........(on the floor....mak tolong aku!)

Mp3Raid music code

2009-05-09T07:05:00.001-07:00

bidadari hatiku mp3 lyrics

free music downloads funny games pictures

'Adik' gave me this song when I was really, really, really down.

I kept listening to it for god-knows-how-many-times and tears just kept on rolling...non-stop. Well,that was before when the ups were down and I was really, really,really,really,really down. Previous post about ehem2 my personal life will tell you why.

I love Indonesian music especially the bands. However, sorry to say, I no longer like the song,"Kekasih gelapku", it's really off my list (sorry nunu!)

No offence against the band( I love the band!) but it's just the title "Kekasih gelapku" really pisses me off over something, something which affected me real bad last month and I hated it, I despise it!

Sorry....

give it a miss

2009-05-09T06:30:00.000-07:00

This might be bad news......tsk tsk

I might have to give this year's GSS a great,whopping miss....tsk tsk

I guess, I'll be content with just the upcoming Transformers-Revenge of the fallen and Harry Potter and the half-blood prince movie for now.

Devil's advocate

2009-05-09T06:27:00.000-07:00

How do you quantify love?You can't...absolutely not.
It's not about how many yards, how many days, how much money...hmmm...money!

Spending for your loved ones.

The reason for giving and sharing, it's never right and always rude to quantify but as humans, it is our nature to inadvertently do so...is it?

Does it mean that hmmm...if i buy mommy plenty of jewellery,roses or anything momsie,she'll love me more. No....that's rude. All the mommies in the world are less likely to be calculative,or parents for that matter.

How about husband and wife?Hmmm.......maybe. Your money is my money, my money is my money, our money is my money? Now...financial instability is inevitable in all married couples.

How about over-the-moon unwed couples?

Will my girlfriend/boyfriend love me more if i buy them stuff, pamper them with things, help them out financially when needed even though there's not much for oneself after that just to see them happy?

Do they love me for my money or me unconditionally?

Oh...I hate having such thoughts in my mind but after meeting with some friends who
thrash(ed)-talk about their relationship, it makes me wonder.

I hate being around the devil's advocate(s) or being one for that matter.

random

2009-05-02T07:49:00.000-07:00

There you have it....my "sememek" face...LOL

Ok...I had enough so I decided to have it cut.

Yes... I trimmed my hair...but........how I wish the hairdresser (though he was super cute!) was a little gentle with me. He was so rough...aiyoh...sakit man...

Ok random....out

Time still

2009-05-01T20:22:00.001-07:00

Morning breakfast: Home-made Gardenia garlic bread

Mom's sick, had a fever of 39.1...like woah.....cost her a whooping $129.00 at the 24 hours Silver Cross clinic.

Sheesh...

Akimon's birthday was great.

Thanks Huda for the treat at Sakura International Buffet (must have cost you a bomb for all of us!) and Akim, we'll wish you again on the 15th May and pass your prezzie as well. Sabo the second time lah,LOL........

Wolverine was a so-so, I like it but...it could have been better.

Oh well... Harry Potter's next...anyone game?

Clean-up, clean up, everybody,everyone

2009-04-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

It's happening AGAIN!

Not in my class (touch wood ah!)....but we are not taking any risk so most of the babies and toddlers were told not to attend school this week.

No children....yes....but loads of cleaning up to do.

Lao shi and I were scrubbing and cleaning like crazy. All those grime and dirt...goodness....

We had some goofy moments in class too today while scrubbing. 2 lizards emerged from nowhere, one was super-duper-ultra fat and the other one was a baby lizard. I was screaming like crazy together with lao shi. We did not know what to do because we can't really scrub the floor with lizards around. We both chickened out!

I don't mind cockroaches but lizards.....the thought of them sticking to your body...goodness.
Lao shi backed out, she hid in the toilet and decided to scrub the toilet.

I was up against 2 lizards and I almost jumped and stood on the table when the fat lizard was on the floor.

I did not intend to kill them but what was I supposed to do? Lao shi passed me shield tox so I told myself, I was only going to make it "pengsan" lah....hahahahaha..yeah rite.

So I sprayed on the tiny lizard. It moved but doesnt seem to know where it was going. I covered it with a towel and threw it outside. As for the big,fat,super-duper-ultra-mega size lizard, I tried spraying on its eyes. Too bad, shield tox running out.Shucks...it's moving!

I tried spraying it with the sanitizer, (masyallah...forgive me!) it worked. It got a little tipsy.

Just as I was about to sweep it away.....the tail was detached from the lizard and the lizard ran away. There I was stuck with a dead tail. The sight was eeeww...super ewww but I had to do it.
I threw it away and finally...I could breathe.

It'll be part 2 of cleaning up tomorrow. Hai............I escaped from the "ghettos only to be back in the barrio"....hai...okok...crap!

Done for now!

Irony

2009-04-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

As I was reading the previous entry, I thought to myself, "If only I made the call."

'Atok' passed away, 2 days after Faz and I visited him at the hospital when he had to undergo an operation. I remembered his face clearly that night when we visited him. He was very happy to see Faz and I and he was talking to us calmly even though he was in pain.
His last words to us, "bawak motor baik-baik ok" after which he gave a smile to us, a smile which I have never seen before and an approving nod.

2 days later at 0059, 23rd April 2009, I received numerous calls from my uncle and aunt. I was half-asleep, waiting for Faz to come back from JB. The wind was really, really different that night, howling, eerie sound of the wind which gave me chills down my spine. I was praying and hoping that everyone who's outside in particular beau will be alright.

I finally picked up uncle's call at 0115, he was really pissed and was sobbing. He ordered me to wake my mum up even though I did not want to since we're not on talking terms for almost a week. But after hearing those words, "atok nazak ezan, atok nazak,call mama!"

I couldn't think straight and I knocked really hard on my parent's room. MOm was half-asleep and as I was telling her the sad news, she nearly fainted. She couldn't think and started to cry.
I forgot to read one particular sms on my phone, sent to me at 0101. It was beau.

I called him immediately to tell him the news. I did not expect him to come along but he did. Mum and dad went to pick my uncle and aunt up in Choa Chu Kang while beau and I was speeding at the expressway at 120-140km on the bike.

Beau barely slept after he got back from JB but his mom gave him the approval and he went with me (I love you for that....),giving me the emotional support which I needed and being there with my family and I at CGH. We were 10 minutes away from the hospital and Beau was squeezing my hands while riding the bike. It was dangerous to do so but we were just hoping for the best.

We thought we were going to make it, but we were too late. We were a few minutes late. Atok was gone at 2am. I was dumbfounded and just cried in Faz's arms. Mom, dad, uncle and aunt arrived 5 minutes later and we were all mourning.

More family members arrived and we just could not believe that he's gone. The operation had its side effects but I soon learnt that there were a couple of other matters that triggered an attack.
Beau felt sorry for me and he thought we could be on time to bid our final goodbyes to atok.

But there is so much that one can do in this world. I really appreciate his presence, his sincerity for being there with me, with the rest of my family members.

The irony of it all, I lost a loved one, I gained another one. Mom started talking to me and we are on good terms now. I have been bringing Faz home and everyone's thankful for him being there. His mom was also very understanding and she was ok with Faz coming with me.

Atok is gone now, Allah swt loves him more. I can only offer him my prayers and hopefully he'll be placed with everyone that's faithful to Him....insyallah

I am going to miss the hardcore wrestling supporter who never fails to watch every wrestling match on SCV, the hardcore Manchester United fan who is always calling me to tell me of Arsenal defeats and Man-u triumphs and the man who knows no pain in everything....I am going to miss you Atok but that is life, we all die one day!

You're my Man-U-wrestling-dangdut-dondang sayang fan.......

one love

2009-04-20T07:16:00.000-07:00

It was a tiring Monday for me.

Tution was alright but a tad too sleepy for me and I was caught snoozing in between without getting caught from my student *naughty...chuckles

Beau and I are getting along fine,better each day...hoping it'll stay that way.
He was caught "snoozing" in my teacher's room today while I was finishing up my work.

Got an sms from aunt, grandpa's in the hospital....oh dear....SGH. Mom did not tell me anything. It's sad....I feel like an orphan...literally. Mom has gone all "selective mutism" towards me so it's really sad that I come home to work with no one to talk to and I go out to work with no one to say goodbye to.

Beau picked me up from tution and I did not want to bother him with anything but he was sweet and thoughtful enough to ask his mom for permission for the both of us to visit my gramps. I introduced beau to gramps a long time ago and sometimes gramps does ask for him. We spent about 30 minutes with gramps before the porter took him away for CT scan.

I was close to tears looking at the condition of 'atuk.' Despite his old age, he still remained strong and he did not want to burden his childen. I was told that he left the house as early as 8am. Intention to have breakfast was called off as he experienced excruciating pain near the appendix. As an old man at 78 years old, he took a bus from Tampines then a train alone all the way to SGH just to see the doctor.He was of course admitted soon after and no one knew about this, he was facing it all alone. They had to do an operation,involving his kidney and the appendix area.

He was looking all cheery when I stepped into the ward with beau. His eyes glimmered and he was smiling but deep down, I knew he was sad....just like me. Fortunately 3rd uncle was there so beau chatted with them for a while as I look at atuk. I knew he was in pain but he was trying to remain as calm as possible. He told beau to ride the bike safely with me before the porter took him away. He bid us goodbye and insist on us making our way home even though we wanted to accompany him for a little while longer.

I wonder where my parents were?
It has been like this for the past 4 days. I have not been talking to anyone in my family for the past 4 days ever since we got into a little family commotion. Dad was a little comfoting though (he has always been my saviour!) but knowing my dad, he is a man of few words.

So the house is really quiet. Brother is away in camp so he seldom comes home.
My usual routine involves spending time in my own room, washing the laundry, doing lesson plan, cook my own meals and simply not having the chance to talk to anyone.

I'm not sure when this will end but I have been going home to an 'empty house' for the past 4 days, it's sad!

But, what to do....emotions taking everything over off-hand, I just have to be strong!

"One love, One heart, Let's get together and feel alright!"

What's worthwhile?

2009-04-17T19:10:00.000-07:00

I have been under the weather lately.

It seems that life isn't getting any better. Everything just seem worst that I can barely look at myself in the mirror.

Was I rude, was I ungrateful? I might have been for the former but for the latter, NEVER!

I could not tolerate it any longer. I had to let it out.

To think that I was challenged to do it, it just makes my heart hurt real bad and I wish I was never present. That's the worst thing one could ever said to oneself.

I wrote a long letter to them, expressing my grievances, my apologies, my feelings, my frustration, my resentment....everything.

If they refused to talk to me, then so be it. I have been keeping it for a very long time and this is my greatest outburst.

If it means to walk away and never come back, then so be it. I will bring with me sweet memories and leave the bad ones behind.

Where am I to go? I seek His directions for now.

I'm sorry Ma, Ba

personal grievance

2009-04-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

Upset?
Yes!

Disappointed?
Yes!

Shocked?
Yes!

Angry?
Beyond that!

Why?Why?Why?

Is it me?

Private indulgence

2009-04-10T18:51:00.000-07:00

Now..now...if darling beau can buy a bike and spend endless hours obsessing over it *hmph...

Well, I can too. But of course, no bikes involved for me though,just not yet!

I am going to get myself this:

His sister and I have been thinking about getting cool, polaroid-kinda cameras such as this. Prices are affordable too! I am going to save up for this.

By the way, beau just spend another whooping $120 for his brake pad and he was literally crying and grumbling about the money spent but hey...safety beb...we can't compromise safety.

He calls the bike, a"her" and got the cheek to ask me to name his bike. Oh gosh....

I decided to name 'it" Georgia...lol....based on the mo0dy-cute girl in my class. Last Wednesday, Faz got to see Georgia up-close and boy, the meeting was oh-so-cute. He told me to bring her home, "rent" her or something....ish...this aint a video-store!

(L-R: Massilia, Georgia, Lou Lou)

Till then....more savings to go and more work to be done.

Work= money=more savings=more spending? Noooooooo.........

Cool air

2009-04-05T06:58:00.000-07:00

Nothing much except,

1) A great soccer match with great commentaries by Wilson (I can literally hear his voice as I was reading the entry on the Kambing's blog)

2) Great food at Beach Road, Al-ameen

3) 2 great home movies

4) The Devil's bend...nice!

Great weekend, looking forward to another 3 weeks of April....more savings to be done...tsk tsk...

Economy down but one should always be up!

2009-04-04T07:05:00.001-07:00

Looks like the recession and economic letdown is still yeah...a letdown!

I, on the other hand am trying to remain blase' over this.I have a job so I better stick to it, now is not the time to be choosy.

Weekend was always a 'no-brainer day' for me, back to mundane household chores.Today however, I felt that it was an "all-sloth" Saturday for me.

Yes, you got that right, sloth. I woke up late, had pillow creases on my face (geeezzz...).
Mom was wailing and wailing for help in the kitchen "anak dara apa ni, apa ni,bla bla bla..."
I totally shut myself up and remain as a sloth for the next 20 minutes before making my slow, slothy steps to the toilet.

I wasn't in a mood for anything. I just wanted to remain in bed but I couldn't stay there for long, for that will drive my mum crazy.
I took my time to have brunch, read the papers (hmm..that's not slothy!), catch up on Politics..Msian politics (sloth don't do that either!) and finally...yes....I went straight to bed AGAIN!

YES.............SLOTH..........hey.....it feels great sometimes,lol......
Mom was nagging but I had my ways. When she came into my bedroom, I pretended to fold the clothes which took me like eons to complete (lol!)

I finished reading "why men love bitches" so it was back to munching. So besides lazying around, I was practically munching and munching,whatever I could munch on.

Now,there's a reason why I'm munching. Mondays to Fridays.......... worked my arse off. I'm out of the house everyday at 6.50 am and I'm back home by 9.30pm at night.

Mondays till Thursday are tution days so I don't really take dinner because of tution. I normally eat at work at 12.45pm and my next meal might be bread at 5.30pm before tution starts or nothing at all.
By the time I got home, I'm dead beat, I'm too tired to eat.

Saturday, I ate food as if I've not eaten for a thousand years (k,bedek ah!)
This is not healthy but hey..............by 6pm today(Saturday), the sloth turned into an ant,hahahaha! I was cleaning,scrubbing,mopping and more scrubbing,washing...yes.......I did my housework at 6pm.
I'm glad I did.........hahaha..........

On a lighter note, we visited Marina Barrage for the first time, it was nice. I wish we brought a telescope (like we have one,lol!) and a picnic mat. (pictures above!)

Ecod...

so-so Monday

2009-03-30T07:50:00.000-07:00

Today was oh-so-so-ok-lah!!

Class was better today. I'm glad the twins are getting better. I can see the smile on my lao shi's face (that's extremely important because without her, I'm doom!).

Our lesson today was meaningful and enjoyable. I felt bad for having to tell a "white" lie to the children...I felt so so so bad!

I told them about the big yellow bus, we're going to ride on it again. All the hopeful faces,looking at the carpark, waiting, waiting for the yellow bus to appear. (so bad seh me!)

But I redeemed myself in the end by saying that, well, "we'll go another day on the big yellow bus. Maybe if you sleep later, you'll get to ride the bus in your dreams!"

Aparna snorted at the mere mention of "in your dreams" because even though I meant well, it sounded so wrong. It sounded as if I'm mocking, like you know, "in your dreams!"

Oh dear.....I better stop! (LOL..........)

Faz's sis made me a card which went beyond my expectation. I love it so much that I was so tempted to keep it but it was meant for someone else,teeeheee!

Darling boyfriend is not well, he caught the flu virus. When I told him to take medicine, all he said to me was,"aiyah...nothing lah. This is all due to the fact that I'm trying to quit smoking. This is the side effects!"

"Ah...yelar tu...hehehe!"

Well, slowly k...you need to save up...a lot!

Now with the bike, oh yes, I forgot to mention that darling now has a bike, a Super 4, his pride and joy.His "baby"....tsk tsk......I have to beg him to talk and spend some time with me for all he does for the past 1 week was "spending good quality time with his "baby!"

He noticed that I was feeling rather odd and "lonesome" and immediately gave me comfort...awwww.....

I don't mind him spending time with the bike however I have told him to also set his priorities and responsibilities right, family,job,health, me (hehehehe!)

So yah...ok..you love your bike but I LOVE YOU MORE!

We're also busy doing job-seeking for him. I have sent out loads of resume to different company, some of which have called darling up for interviews.

I know he's a little disappointed that ADF did not call him up, I knew he wanted it badly. Give it some time ok sayang....

For now, valet keeps him going. He may not earn much from it but it does help to cover his daily expenses. Now with the bike, he needs to save a little more and I am also helping him out a bit with the finances.

We had to constantly remind each other to save and save and save. I have started saving for the both of us and there's still more to go. We just used 200 bucks for his bike box and he told me that he was going to work soon and replace our savings money.

Extra cash comes from giving tution 4 times a week and even though it's not much, it does help to cover up some of our expenses.

My only hope for now is for Faz to get a stable job so that he can help his family and his future.

Age is catching up and times are bad! I hope to attend my phonics class soon and complete another 2 modules before next year for my diploma. I guess, having this extra diploma will help me to earn some extra cash in time to come....for the both of us.

We're trying all we can to survive.

Alhamdulillah

2009-03-28T12:07:00.000-07:00

We talked things out, I'm glad we did!

It's a matter of time before you got to know how I really feel and yes after being together for more than a year, you did, you really did.

You saw right through me even though I kept everything inside.

Thank you and I love you, Faz :) always will......

Life is...

2009-03-28T06:15:00.000-07:00

Ok..it's Earth hour but here I am....er...sorry ah, gotta finish up my portfolio.

Saturday....not scheduled for work. Normally on Sats, plans are made but I guess, things have changed and I'm not sad about it. I'll just learn to accept it somehow.

I took the time to complete my household chores as usual. I get to talk to my brother today on an 'on and off' basis. When there is a need to speak, we speak, when there isn't, I'll just keep my thoughts away and be on my own.

I did not eat much today, I had no appetite. Just a few pieces of lontong and 1 cup of ice-cream. But I did have 2 bowls of cococrunch cereals in the morning (sinful!)

Dinner was just 3 pieces of goreng pisang.

I tried to finish up on the portfolio updates. In between, I washed my shoes, watched a little bit of tv and took a quick nap in between.

I would love to go out but since I did not tell my mom my plans earlier the week before, she told me to stay home. No curfews though, its just that I was only allowed to go out after 5pm after the chores are done.

I had the chance to accompany Siti today but she went out a tad too early so sorry eh Siti!

So it's just the home and me today.

Past few entries is a tad too sad and depressing, sorry! I jut needed some place to contain my solace.

I knew that things are slowly starting to change a little bit and I have to learn to accept it. I know that things are not going to be the same as before, nonetheless, whatever it takes to see one happy, I am all for it. Even though I do not get to spend much time with you, I believe there are reasons to justify for it. I still love you....

Needy

2009-03-27T06:44:00.000-07:00

In life, there are happy memories and sad ones as well.

As I went to revisit everything that happened before, I just sat down and ponder over them. Tears that roll down my cheeks started to soak my t-shirt, I just let them roll. I wasn't sobbing but tears just kept on flowing and flowing.

For the first time, when I watch comedies on tv such as "my wife and kids", tears rolled down my cheeks as well. It just went on and on. But I wasn't feeling anything, it just rolled down my cheeks.

As I was watching the big bang theory again, instead of laughing as hard as I could, tears rolled down my cheeks as well.

As I revisit the place where the moon was viewable from a distance, the bench where heads were being put to rest, the bus which was often rode, the path which was often taken, tears just kept on flowing.

Dispensable, indispensable.......

My worst fear

2009-03-25T06:06:00.000-07:00

My fear has yet to be confirmed.

However...deep in my heart, I knew this day will come. It's sad but what can I do?

I always tell myself that no matter what happens, I have to stay positive. I have to eliminate those horrible thoughts away from my mind.

Silhouette no more,
I must not.

An elegy

2009-03-21T09:48:00.001-07:00

My heart feels heavy because not far away from me, I know someone is feling really down. I know hamba allah ini is feeling hurt,miserable and really,really sad.

Happiness does not come freely as one wishes it to be. Happiness needs to be sorted and pursued in order to achieve it.

Do I have to forgo one's happiness to make one happy?

Do I have to forgo my own happiness to make both happy? Will it solve matters? Will it?

The aching heart, it hurts deeply to see 2 hearts getting hurt, it hurts me even more.

How do I lessen such pain and agony because it pains me deeply inside to see people around me sad.

When will I see a rainbow to everything?

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd

It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

The new "baby"

2009-03-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

I'm currently taking a break from 'portfolio-mania.'

I was just wondering, if they can have 'Diner dash, Cake Mania' on PSP, why not portfolios? LOL.....

I have loads to go before parent-teacher meeting in April.

Today, we had a serious discussion about the upcoming "baby".

We're excited yet we have to think it through and through. I'm keeping it a hush-hush affair from my parents. We'll tell them when the right time comes or not at all. (Sorry!)

We're giving ourselves 1.5-2 months before we 'fight tooth and nail' (is that a correct metaphor?) to get the "baby".

We'll have to start from scratch once that happen (you do know about that right beau?)

I'm happy because it's happening but I'm praying and hoping that we stay 'grounded' at all times. Setting our priorities right should be the ultimate aim and anything beyond that is merciless and should not be thought of in the first place.

I've called up the school and instead of taking up 2 modules at one time, I've decided to take one first. If I have extra cash, I'll probably take the 2nd module too (which I doubt so!)

I'll just be content with one first.

So,what's the "baby" and where is it? Hmmm...one has to wait to find out.

Highlight of the day:

Ms Nurul and I had a great time laughing today in the hall as I was doing my duty there. As usual, children not cleaning up after they play with the toys and boys getting all noisy and rough. Milos, one of the French boy is super "semangat giler" with his fixing and couldn't care less about what's happening behind him.

Agathane, his younger brother is making too much noise in the hall. He could't understand some of the English I spoke to him so I decided to ask Milos for help. Nurul and I kept on asking him to translate for us in English and French. It got to a point where he got so irritated that he started teaching us in a horrible and "super kelakar way."

We couldn't control ourselves and we continued to laugh and laugh at his antics. Nurul and I will make the class go gaga if we ever combine forces. What do you expect from a class who has gaga teachers? Hahahahaha...gaga class ah.....

So, I learnt a few French words today:

Come: "Fian or phi-onch" (dunno how to spell)

Yes: "Oui"

Crocodile: "Crocodil"

Clean up: "On-cheh"

No rough play: "ju bian"

Sleep: Fi tu tu (a favourite word amongst our toddlers, commonly used by EVERYONE in school...lol)

Ooooo... I so feel like taking French lesson..."Au-vwah....mi' zua"(Bye-bye kiss-kiss and hug-hug)

Gasak kau lah nak...LOL

The week

2009-03-17T06:44:00.000-07:00

Oh...not again...portfolios!!

I've been procrastinating over this (I shouldn't be!)

2 more weeks to parent-teacher meeting!

1 more week to Jacob Ballas field trip!

Schedules are packed. I am always home by 8.30pm from Mondays to Thursday!

After work, it's tution at 2 different places on from Mons to Thurs. (Ok..sorry, I'm moonlighting!)
Times are hard, one has to work doubly hard to earn enough.

Beau's working like mad too, 2 split shifts during weekdays and he works in the evening during the weekends.

We've been calculating our expenses and I believed his goal of buying a car has to be put on hold first. We're going for plan B instead. A plan which we have been waiting for.All the adrenalin rush, my prayers are for him and I hope he'll achieve it.

Highlight of the week (the week has just started for goodness sake): "Why Men love bitches?"

"Goodness....I can't seem to put down this book, I have to go on and on!"

Don't be fooled by the term "bitches"

Sherry Argov did not mean "bitches" as someone who has a mean-spirited character or the classic "office bitch" who is hated by everyone at work.

The "bitch" in her book refers to a woman who is kind yet strong. She has a strength that is ever so subtle. She doesn't give up her life. And she'll stand up for her life when a man steps over the line.

She knows what she wants but won't compromise herself to get it. But she's feminine, like a "Steel" Magnolia - flowery on the outside and steel on the inside.
She uses this very feminity to her own advantage. It isn't that she takes undue advantage of men, she just plays fair.

She has one thing that "a nice girl" doesn't: a presence of mind because she isn't swept away by a romantic fantasy. In addition, she has the ability to remain cool under pressure. Whereas a woman who is "too nice" gives and gives until she is depleted, the woman with presence of mind knows when to pull back.

I am particularly drawn to some of the principles in her book for example:

"If you smother him, he'll go into defense mode and look for an escape route to protect his freedom."

"Whenever a woman requires too many things from a man, he'll resent it. Let him give what he wants to give freely; then observe who he is."

Now...now...it is an interesting read for me but sorry Argov, I don't really agree with some of her views given that her context is basically brought out from the Western culture, because being Asian, we are slightly different. However, most of the scenarios in the book really does seem familiar be it to Asians or Westerners.

The rule of thumb is: Don't just take in 100% of what is being said,sometimes you have to trust yourself and your partner.

I strongly recommend the guys to read this book as well, just to know their point of view :)

Ecod

sushi-nei.....

2009-03-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

Did my wish just came true or what?
LOL.......

I had sushi today at Shin Tokyo...first halal sushi restaurant...wooohooo and better still, it's in Yew Tee. 8 minutes walk from my house...super-cool ah!

I met up with Faz's sis and her bestfriend and we ate about 10 plates (could have been more,hahaha!). Nice.......

Next trip will be with ehem...ehem...with beau of course ;)

I am still waiting for my Lady Gaga's, Jason Mraz and Jonas Brothers album.

For now, I have another book to read with a very catchy title, "Why do Men love Bitches?"

Cool...I'll read and I'll tell you more about it!

Agenda

2009-03-15T05:55:00.000-07:00

Now....what's up on my agenda?
Let's see....

1) Bookings for Jacob Ballas Children's Garden
2) Transport bookings....preferbably a bus that is appropriate for toddlers...do they have baby seats?
3)Portfolio.....oh dearie...dearie....
4)Huda's gift to be given to her when I meet her.

What else?

Oh yes....I WANT LADY GAGA'S album!!!!!

Colours

2009-03-14T09:59:00.001-07:00

If I can't make 2 people happy...I'll be sad!

If I can't make people have their way,everyone's sad!

When will I see a rainbow?

Weekends weekend

2009-03-14T08:16:00.001-07:00

Nothing much happened this weekend except for a few Ooohhss and aaahhsss along the way.

Point to note: Jacob Ballas Children's Garden do not take in adults or young adults (duh...look at the name..Children's garden) UNLESS you have a child with you.

I got up early today and meet up with Lao shi to take a look at Jacob Ballas Children's garden. To my horror, upon arrival, we were rejected entry into the garden. We were told that one can only enter WITH children.

I was like WTH...I do not want to have a wasted trip.

We told them we were pre-school teachers and we need to plan our route. Thank god, after much deliberation, they gave us 20 minutes to take a look at the place.

It was superb...for children of course. We took some pictures despite the blazing heat.
Once done, it was back home for me and classes for Lao shi.

On my way home, something interesting happened.

I was waiting for my bus when suddenly I noticed this Singaporean Chinese guy looking at me. I supposed he's waiting and looking for his bus too. After waiting for like more than 30 minutes, I decided to exclude myself from the heat and traffic and shut myself off with my psp.

Moments later, I noticed someone in front of me trying to speak to me. It was that guy...ok he looks good up close!

good-looking guy: Hi....need a lift?

me: sorry?

good-looking guy: Sorry if I startled you. You're heading to NUS right, are you?Wanna share a cab to NUS?

me: er...sorry no!

good-looking guy: Oh...you're not? You're sure?

me: Yes..very sure!

good-looking guy: Oh ok..I thought you're heading for NUS. (walks away quietly before hailing a cab)

Ok....no matter how good-looking you are, try harder on the pick-up lines mister.
In the first place, I do not have the word "smart" printed or embedded on my forehead...like NUS...hahahaha in a million years lah Ezan.

This is the second strange encounter I had with a Chinese guy. The first occurred last year and Faz was close to bashing out the guy but too bad, we never saw him again.

Now...now....the highlight of the week, jeng jeng jeng....

Manchester United was thrashed...real hard by Liverpool. Final score 4-1, letting Liverpool to taste oh-sweet-victory.

I was watching the match halfway in mom's room and Ronaldo created the opening goal through a penalty shoot-out at the 23rd minutes. 5 minutes later, Torres equalized it.

Just before half-time Gerrad make it 2-1 through a penalty shoot-out.

The match was pretty intense in the 2nd half. At the 70th minute, I decided to make my way back to my room and complete my work while catching the live commentary through soccernet.com

5 minutes later, I heard my neighbours at the opposite block shouting "GOAL..........." and the next thing I knew, Mom who is a Man-u fan started saying, "bodoh" and I knew it. Liverpool was already leading by 3 goals.

At the 85th minute, Rooney could have gotten the second goal for the devils but the shot was too wide. (I ran to my mom's room when she shouted,"goal ah,goal ah...apa seh!)

Then at the 90th minute, just before 2 minutes of extra time was given, Liverpool scored their 4th and final goal.

Beau was laughing his head off at his workplace after knowing the scores.

To hudakim....wooops, sorry!

Work

2009-03-13T10:55:00.000-07:00

Work....it's draining me out.

In fact, everyone looks drained out, like a total wipe-out.

Sleep, deprivation of sleep!

I've not been sleeping well. I get irritated when I do not get enough sleep but drinking Mr Brown does help at times.

I'm going to have a busy week starting next week and so is Faz. He got a new posting near Hillview Crest and with our busy work schedule, I'm not sure whether we'd be able to meet one another as often as before (ohhhh man!) I'm going to miss Faz!

Before I forget, HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUDA!

I'm going to survey the Children's garden with my lao shi tomorrow...hai...sleep deprivation again.

Anyway, I'm really glad beau is really getting on very well with my family. But, it can be a total nightmare once beau becomes "smoking buddies" with dad..shucks! (lol....)

I'm feeling sleepy, I ought to go.

Weekends

2009-03-07T09:01:00.000-08:00

Working day: Loads of cleaning

Blessed to have a super gung-ho partner at work, she's amazing...like what people always said,"on the ball one!"

We did some arrangements in class and we both felt good about it. Hopefully, it'll assist us further....in classroom management.

I was dead tired by the time I got home from work. I was sleeping like a log in the bus. Mom did not cook thus I decided to take a short nap. There was still no food in the house so I had to cook myself, me dinner.

I was getting bored soonafter. I thought of going out but beau is out with his cousin for a bbq gathering (lucky him!)

Checked out ovguide.com and what do you know? I was watching movie after movie and I caledl it "animated cartoons nite." I just love animated Pixar and Disney movies.

"Over the hedge" was ultra-cool, funny and sweet. I'm uploading "Open season" now,ready to watch in 15 minutes. I wish I have my popcorns with me or at least "YAMI!"

Recent obsession

2009-03-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

Ok..I swear if Faz's going to read this entry anytime soon, he'll probably would love to bite my head off!
I can't stop eating and thinking about Yami yogurt.

Yes.....I LOVE YAMI YOGURT TO THE CORE!
I LOVE EVERYTHING about Yami Yogurt.

What's more....there's a Yami yogurt outlet in LOT 1 which is like so freaking near from where I'm residing. I've been spending my money on Yami Yogurt. It's a must-have snack for me...and for every yogurt lover.

Oh...oh....there are also other yogurt outlets in LOT 1 (bless me!) but Yami yogurt is still the best.
This week alone, I have spent 2 cups of Yami yogurt with my granola and sunflower seeds topping on 2 separate occassion. (I can subtly hear Faz's curses and swears under his breath...LOL) Why is Faz biting my head off? Ok...well, he's been asking me to save...I have....but...yogurt...yogurt, I can't resisit them. After saving a bit more, I spend on Yami.

I just can't get enough of Yami Yogurt...I'm crazy...nono...I'm obsessed over it. Yes, it is low-fat,low in sugar and yes...yes.....loads of vitamins and minerals, dietary fibre and OHHHH....it's so yummylicious. It speaks true to its brand and name "YAMI = YUMMY!"

I stopped jogging, I don't know why. Busy I guess and tired! But there is no excuse for this!
After jogging successfully from my block to LOT 1 before continuing the jog through Brickland with Beau, I shall one day,try the route again and what better way to reward myself other than "YAMI!!"

YAMI...

YAMI...

YAMI...

YAMI...

YAMI...

YAMI...

YAMI...

YAMI...

YAMI....

YAMI...

YAMI...

YAMI.....

yet again!

2009-03-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

Sadly but true, "bedek tapi benar"....I've been feeling low these days, low in spirit and strength.

I believed my partner and I are both feeling really, really, really restless and listless ever since March began. I'm pretty sure most of my colleagues are tired too but the frustration felt by both my partner and I is something drastic. It has been a rollercoaster ride for us in class.

Yes, we feel frustrated but the poor children, we did not for once took it out on them. We tried every way, every possible way to settle things down. We also appreciate the help we get from our fellow comrades but there is so much that they can do to help us, they have a class too.

It's upsetting when words are not being put into actions. No offence though....

I know my partner is keeping everything inside, so am I. I pity my partner whose voice is losing by the day and she looks really, really, really tired.

I hate this feeling. I love what I'm doing but sometimes you just feel like a sore thumb when you try to resolve matters only to make matters worst when new problems are created!

I must stop feeling this way, they are afterall innocent children.

On a lighter note, I had the chance to spend most of my resting time with beau. I hardly stay out because I'm just too tired and listless however there is no reason for me to behave in such a manner towards beau. He was sweet enough to fetch me from work and we spend some time walking at the nearest malls or simply enjoying a simple meal at the hawker centre.

This time, we decided to indulge in "movie screenings." We've watched 2 movies in a week, it helps to remove some of our problems away. I believed beau and I enjoyed "Marley and I" the most.

I cried watching the movie and guess what, beau did too towards the end. I couldn't believe my eyes. He told me to "shut up" when I asked if he's crying. I felt like crying even more when I heard his sobs....the sensitive nature of his which I hardly knew.

I love you dear, stay strong.

Remember what we said to one another and I guess, "do whatever that makes you happy!"

Even if it means to "bend the rules a little", go ahead, do not give up on that little glimmer of hope. There is still time,have faith and seize the opportunity.

School

2009-03-03T07:55:00.000-08:00

Once again..I'm stuck in this same situation again.

Did you know, it took me about 3-4 months for me to decide what and where I wanted to study?
I guess my parents left the decision-making to me. Pros and cons.....

After my Os, well.....my parents did encourage me to go to Poly but I guess I was too upset with my O level Math result. I couldn't get into the course which I wanted and even though I had a high chance of entering ECCE in Ngee Ann, me,being dumb-witted at that point of time, decided to opt for Pre-U instead.

Republic Poly accepted me for Biomedical Science despite me failing my Math. I guess a high grade in Science and F&N did help me to make it to this course but the thought of studying with a couple of 7-8 pointers scared the shit out of me so I forgo this chance too!

The horrors of A Levels...goodness.....shucks, I hate my As too. (but I learnt a lot...so no complains :) )

After the As, mom wanted me to work while I wanted to study. That's where everything shuts by itself. I stopped receiving pocket money after my last paper which was Literature Paper 8.
I was seeking for a job the following day, it was my saddest day ever!

I was working as a sales assistant in a shoe boutique, an admin-purchasing executive in a steel firm, a telemarketeer and finally after all the job-hopping and saving like crazy, I decided to pursue my Diploma.

For the first time, I felt so alone...a lonesome teenage adult....I wasn't prepared for any of it.
I remembered calling up several schools,talking to them,travelling all over Sinapore just to find the right course and school. My parents simply gave me their prayers...great...just great! (okok..I should be grateful!)

I appealed to Mandaki myself and finally got a 80% grant from them and I paid the remaining 2k myself out of my own pocket money to pursue my dreams.

Now....I'm back to the same phase again!

I'm going for a Diploma in Educational studies highly accreditted by MOE and London College, UK university.
Mom wasn't really keen on me pursuing my studies further so I had to do it on my own again.Ok...once more,she just offered me her prayers....nice! (Do I detect a tinge of sarcasm..okok..I should be grateful once again!)

I can't really decide what I would like to major on.
Money is another issue. Oh well....I will not stop and give up now!

I'm hoping to take the first 2 major courses in May before ending off with the 3rd one somewhere after July or August. This means I have to have at least 1.5 k by end of July...freaking tornado. Then by the time I complete the 3rd and final course, I have to prepare another 800 bucks before graduation.

Then, I think Mom's going to scream once again for I'm going for another Diploma after educational studies.
She'll be thinking when I'm going to stop studying...er....not before I do my Bachelor studies in Early Childhood education.

If I can't do my Bachelors, then I guess, the 2 Diplomas in hand will make up for everything.
(tsk tsk)

For now...it's back to more savings!

Updates

2009-03-03T06:13:00.000-08:00

The Harry Potter saga has ended. Oh well...I'm happy yet sad...why?
Happy..for I now know Harry Potter's fate, sad...for I have nothing to look forward to in those sleepless nights.

On a lighter note, I have been spending good quality time with beau,even for those short hours. We've been watching what we spent lately and the itch to get a new phone was dismissed...period

It's been a long time since we've been to the movies. Today, we decided to watch "role models" starring Sean William Scott and Pau Rudd. I love Paul Rudd,ever since he first appeared on "Clueless" alongside Alicia Silverstone...man......that is so 1991.

Anyway, it's a comedy...crude as a matter of fact. Never...never bring anyone under the age of 16 in. It should have been M18 at least...for its language and images....too much bosom being shown here.

Oh well, beau loved the movie of course....he was laughing his arse off like crazy. But...it was money well-spent!

ok,my dear keybing shared with me about his upcoming plans...for the future. He was telling me about going for the "army developmental force" ADF...I'm not really too sure what it means but all I know is that, he's a be a full-time soldier...I think!

As he was discussing his plans to me, I listened really well. It really makes me feel blessed for he's sharing this with me other than his family members. He thought I sounded a little 'odd and discouraging.'

Just for the record, my dear Faz, I am not. I am happy that you are working towards your goal in life and if this is what your future entails you to, then I'll be supporting you and if this is what makes you happy, I'm happy for you too.

I can't possibly stop beau's dreams and hopes. With God's grace, if it works out for him...alhamdulillah

As for me, I am saving up,trying to save up. There are a couple of things which I've not accomplished. I'm working towards it.My dream of having my own HDB flat is still a long way to go but achievable and I have to work hard towards it.

Faz has also been talking about the big "M" as he was telling me about his plans. Yes...of course I would love to get married, that's part of my goals...getting married and having kids before 28...yes...timeline,hahahahaha! But, that will require loads of planning and saving up to do.

Bottomline is, like what Paul Rudd said in the movie, "do whatever that makes you happy!"

Screw loose

2009-02-27T19:57:00.000-08:00

Ok...I hate remembering password or user id(s)...no,no,no...let me rephrase it...I abhor it!

I forgot my user id for DBS ibanking which makes me a total sore loser because now, I have no further use for the electronic device issued to me for easy access online.

I am also too plain lazy to mail my request and mind you, there is no such thing as an online request, I have to mail my request by mail...yes...snail mail.

To top it all up, Dad's smoking habit in the house is driving me up the walls. I hate the smell of his ciggies....it's really awful. I'm not sure what ciggies is he smoking these days but it's awful....awful than beau's. (Ok Faz.....your ciggies may not smell as bad as Dad but on the whole, tobacco smells really,really awful!)

On a lighter note,

I'm just glad that we got what we wanted. Beau has been aiming for a new pair of boots since last year. He was doing loads of contemplation but I resolve all those whimsical thoughts at the flick of my wand * okok...too much of Harry Potter Ezan!

Nono.....I simply told him to get the black pair of Ligera boots instead. He wanted the white/red pair but too bad.....they don't come in his size. He was sulking but after tying on his new pair of black-gold boots, the sulking stops and now... he has something to be happy about. (almost!)
(Plus....we got a good deal for it ok...so stop sulking!)

I was complaining to him too about getting a new pair of shoes for work. Mind you, I have to walk up and down the hill 5 days a week, which is a good 15-20 mins walk and I don't wear heels to work, that will literally kill me!

Crocs are giving me blisters unless I wear socks and I can't possibly wear my running shoes to work because that will cause me some wadrobe malfunction. So yesterday, after getting Beau's boots, I opted for a pair of "presto-kinds" comfortable walking shoes which was light-green in colour from Nike...Oooooooo....green!

We had a good deal for it too because other shops were selling it at 95 bucks and the lowest we found was 75 bucks. I got mine for 65 bucks.....pretty good deal I must say!

We were not supposed to spend because I am supposed to be saving up for school...yes...you heard that right I am going to pursue another Diploma somewhere in May. It's an enrichment Diploma which will allow me to give extra enrichment classes at primary/secondary schools and of course in most pre-schools.

But since we had our needs, we thought this might be our last mind-boggling expenditure (I hope!) Beau and I are trying to cut cost by not going shopping, not going to Sim Lim square, less eating out so that will mean less meetings with him (tsk tsk....lol) for we are saving up for God knows what's installed for us next,hehehehehe!

So I paid for beau's boots and he paid for mine. His boots was twice the price of my shoes but I guess I can earn some money again from tutoring.

For now, it's time to save up for school and I hope Beau completes his CV and resume soon, it's time for him to get a job, a proper job.

For now, I will go back to Harry Potter. I am now reading the last book, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It's getting darker and darker. I get scared too as I read them and yah......laugh all you can but reading the books does give me the creeps and it did send a chill down my spine.

I shall apparate now....whooooosh....(so much for being 23....lol!)

Weekend again!

2009-02-22T07:18:00.000-08:00

So much for the lazy,sleepy Saturday, it's back to Sunday!

I couldn't wait to meet the girls at the pitch....and of course to watch the game,haven't been watching soccer for the last few months so amateur soccer "pun jadi lah!"

I woke up really early to help mum with the cooking but she woke up late so it's not my fault that I did not get to help her in the kitchen by the time she's up. I had to go, so it was no-fun at all as I made my way out of the house,knowing at the back of my mind, mom was nagging really,really bad.

I've been trying to improve on beau's sleeping habits. I even bought him a handphone stand from Sim Lim square. He has trouble waking up so having the stand might help a bit but I think what he needs is a REAL alarm clock that goes ringing non-stop for 5 consecutive times.

We used to take turns waking one another up in the morning for work but it has always been me because I always worry that we might both be late. I do not mind waking him up but the thought of waking the his whole house up in the early morning just scares the *toot out of me. I mean, his family needs to sleep too right?

Anyway, I'll solve that later.

I know beau's a little disappointed that he couldn't use his Starhub MOBILE $100 voucher because of a few reasons. I know he really yearns for a touch-screen mobile phone. We were this close in getting a touch screen LG mobile phone for him but as we sat down and discuss thoroughly over it, he finally decided to let it go.

I could see the sadness in his eyes yet I was proud of him. He was making sense and was thinking it through. This time, we did not act on impulse and I think everyone at the centre could hear our deep discussion. I'm happy that we were able to weigh the importance of our "needs" and "wants" so I hope there'll be more progression in decision-making..insyallah

Today however,being the most happiest day of our lives since we were both laughing and smiling a lot, he did took the chance to irritate the donkey out of me. Oh well......I did bug him a little bit. In any case my dear, I still love you seh!

Anyway, I wasn't really looking forward to Monday. Besides experiencing the cramps and 'heavy downpour', I wasn't in the right mood to be at work YET..I'm not sure why.

I hope I can prolong Sunday...hai...

On a lighter note, I finished reading the 5th book,"the order of the phoenix" and am now proceeding to the "half-blood prince."

Oooooo......a new adventure awaits so I gotta go......accio book..tatata felow netizens.

Weekend

2009-02-20T23:24:00.000-08:00

Being 23 will not stop me from reading ehem...ehem..Harry Potter's books. I've always been a great fan of J.K Rowling.

I guess people are now moving on to those books ehem..ehem..."new moon" and the other novels. I have not read anyone of them for I am currently drawn back to Harry Potter. I have not read the last 3 books.

I managed to borrow the books from one of my Lao shi's daughter..so there....I'm happy!

I have forgotten about the story so I went back to re-read "the order of the phoenix" before proceeding with the last 2 books. Mom's been nagging at me and I can feel that she's "allergic" to books. She just couldn't stand the sight of books...or worst..me reading a book at home.

Ironically, she was the one who spoils me with books. I was not an avid reader back in my primary school days so she bought me all sorts of books to read and I had to read to her every night before I go to bed. (er...shouldn't it be the other way round?)

That's where I got hooked. Back in my secondary school days, she used to bring home super-thick novels that cost a bomb at Borders, Kinokuniya or even Times. She got them for free when tourists at her workplace gave the books to her after reading them.

I'm not a bookworm nor an avid reader but I enjoy reading.

It's a cool Saturday and I felt that it has been a while since we experienced showers. Good thing...it rained.

In any case, I shall go back to Harry Potter while Mom's away at work. Merlin's beard....

shucks...there's still housework...if only I'm a student of Hogwarts..."REPARO"..... (ok..too much of Harry Potter)

half-bottled

2009-02-20T03:25:00.000-08:00

same kind of feeling: Heart literally breaks when you reall,really,really fall to its deepest pit EQUATES to greatest fall from the tallest building?

When you spend so much time and effort,again and again,again and again, to make everything work, to be accomodative, to be sensitive, again and again,again and again. But, is it any wonder if one is giving too much or too little?

Life is a journey,it is. Feeling half-emptied...

I really hope Paulo Coelho produces new books this time around....and more to come soon!

High and dry

2009-02-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

The weather is unbearable these days and I get agitated whenever I do not have the chance to replenish my body system. I get sleepy too....lethargic lah seh!

I'm planning to run tomorrow after work since my student is sick and tution has been canceled.

Workload is pilling up. The portfolios and upcoming lesson plans needs to be updated. Updates for the class field trip to Jacob Ballas Children's Garden is still pending. I wrote an email to National Park Board and gave my enquiries to them. Hopefully, I'll be able to plan the field trip by early April or latest May.

On a heavier note, I'm "dry" this month. 10 more days before I get my paycheck....I'm seriously broke. The only source of income for me now is the tution sessions conducted thrice a week. But, my student is sick so there goes my source of income.

Oh dear......I'm afraid February's paycheck will run dry fast enough with all the incoming bills, bills and more bills.

Oh dear.....

Thirst for speed

2009-02-16T05:14:00.000-08:00

Once again...I ran ALONE again. As usual, my running buddy aka the love of my life,"my cheeky keybing" was busy with "combat arms."

I'm still waiting for the day where he will run with me...when when when?

I wasted no time today. The moment I got home, I changed into my PT kit and called 'sayang' to see whether he'll change his mind and jog with me.

To my disappointment, he's on "kill mode!"

I decided to run alone. This time, I decided to do rounds. I've not been jogging for more than 5 months so I figured 10 rounds is too much for me for a start. I pushed myself today. I ran all the way from my place, past the whole Choa Chu Kang Crescent area, past Kranji Camp, past Limbang park,past Choa Chu Kang park and down to the stadium where I continued for another 7 rounds.

I missed him already but what to do.....sigh*

Anyway, I felt rejuvenated after the run and the long walk home soonafter.

I'm planning to run at least thrice a week but I wonder whether I can keep up with it. I am considering bringing my running shoes to work and run after work before giving tution in the evening.

Beau set his goals this year that he wants to tone up. But he hasn't been doing it besides attending soccer every Sunday.

What happened to "I'm so lucky to have a girlfriend who runs and exercise with me. This way, we'll keep fit and get to spend time together."

Only God knows.....

Hehehe...okok....stop the whinning, I still love this "cheeky keybing" nonetheless.Hehehehe....

ibanking

2009-02-15T05:14:00.001-08:00

Lazy Sunday!

I had socks on today,not sure why I'm putting it on for the whole day,hahahaha!
Dad thinks I'm crazy!

I did not get to accompany beau to soccer today. He told me to rest at home. As much as I want to accompany him today, I took his advice and stayed home.

I did not do much today, was busy "lazing around" in my room. The Simpson's Valentine's Day marathon special was super hilarious,super corny and cheesy and sweet too!

I sent beau our savings plan for him to look at and I did my ibanking application with DBS online.

Spending online will be easy now for I just applied for the Debit card. I applied for beau too and my oh my, he used it liao,hehehehe! We are not really keen in having a credit card, I feel it's really dangerous. Having the debit card comes in handy and safe...helps to curb our spending.

Fund transfer, payment of bills and etc will be hassle-free....now that my ibanking is secured.
I had a quick check of my cpf statement online today to get more updates.

Tomorrow's Monday, back to children. Back to reality.........

Savings

2009-02-15T02:57:00.001-08:00

After thinking it through, I've made my decision and I pray for it to be true.

Otherwise.....

Soft you, a word or two before you go.
I have done the state some service, and they know't:
No more of that. I pray you in your letters,
When you shall these unlucky deeds relate,
Speak of me as I am. Nothing extenuate,
Nor set down aught in malice. Then must you speak
Of one that loved not wisely, but too well;
Of one not easily jealous, but, being wrought,
Perplexed in the extreme, of one whose hand,
Like the base Indian, threw a pearl away
Richer than all his tribe' of one whose subdued eyes,
Albeit unused to the melting mood,
Drop tears as fast as the Arabian trees

Their medicinable gum. Set you down this,
And say besides that in Aleppo once,
Where a malignant and a turbanned Turk
Beat a Venetian and traduced the state,
I took by th' throat the circumcised dog
And smote him - thus!

I'm not sure if he's ready to hear the plan yet but someday, somehow, we will pull this through together. He's the one.....with Allah's grace and wisdom, he is and will be...insyallah

Sayang, I'm going to send you the savings proposal. We have to start soon *smiles

I love you

2009-02-14T07:10:00.000-08:00

Hmmm...it's so hard to have a "show and tell"
I'm happy...yes...indeed and I'm sure beau did too!

All I can say is....we miss "the days and standstill" already.
We had an exchange of "vows"...in a weird way.

My mood was disrupted when he got a call from his "ex" whom I simply do not wish to elaborate or know more about this person. The thought of it is really upsetting!

I just did not want things to get "messy" again. He could see that I was very upset but soonafter I began to cool down.

Oh well,on a lighter note, it was nice to see the 'florist' earning loads of "ka-ching ka-ching" today since it's Valentine's day. We had our celebration way...... earlier (*grins) and we miss it already! (sob sob)

Anyway, I don't really celebrate Valentine. To me, if you love someone,it can be Valentine's day everyday for you (not 14th Feb all year long!)

My "Funny Valentine" : Dinner at Mcdonalds (hehehehehehe!) and a pair of matching slippers from beau.

Soon to come, I promised beau his Super Ligera soccer boots and memory card from Qisahn.

And sooooooon....perharps.....holiday getaway.....again for you, beau?

Dedicated to...

2009-02-08T07:34:00.000-08:00

12 months anniversary...

First official Valentine's Date below...hehehe

First official meeting 10.02.2008

My body is aching,particularly my tummy and my thighs.

This is due to the fact that I did not 'warm down' properly after my jog because all I did was take a 'hot shower' before I went to bed.

Call me sadist but LOL...all the strains and aching does make me feel good because I felt as if I have achieved something considering the fact that I have not been running/jogging for more than 5 months. I did not get to go to the stadium this time round so I settled for the runs around the neighbourhood for 1/2 hour.

I couldn't get styrofoam board for my art and craft on Monday thus had to settle for drawing paper instead with a little collage of felt cloth to go with.

Today's match at Kent Ridge Park was pretty good. I'm not saying that the other matches were too 'bland' but this has a little bit of action. The team has really grown (besides the numbers and a couple of new faces) but in terms of workmanship,fighting spirit and teamwork.

Everyone played with confidence and full of zest. They have been on a winning streak - not bad!Winning formula : Trust, confidence and full fighting spirit.

Though I hate to see 'ugly scenes' down the pitch and I'll be like "Oh man...not again!"

Yes... the "oh man" never fails to bring a smile across the faces of some bystanders watching the match because sometimes I be caught talking to myself during the match. LOL......

I enjoy the game, learn a little bit from the game. Friends often said that the main reason why I attend the Sunday's soccer match religiously on Sunday is all due to my boyfriend.

Well....that is one of the reason - a time for me to spend some quality time with him. But....let me dispel those horrible fact about "me and my bf only".

Fellow netizens,I do get the chance to catch up with the rest of the team. I made new friends so it's not entirely because of boyfriend...mind you!

Secondly, I love watching soccer,even amateur soccer. Beau sometimes complain that I am not caring enough because I am not quick to respond to situation.

e.g. quoted from beau,
"you ni eh, kalau I jatuh ke,apa ke...bukan nyer you care. Duduk jer..bawakkan lah air ke, ni zone-out"

(Translation:"you eh, if I fall or what, you never care eh. Sit down only, bring for me water lah,zone-out only!)

Tsk...tsk...tsK

I know sometimes he's joking but I always tell him that whenever he's out there in the field, I do worry. Not being there in the field at the spur of the moment doesn't mean I never care, I do care and I worry at the same time. I'm afraid he hurt himself real bad and I worry that his temper might flare.

I have repeatedly justified to him that if he hurt himself, the first few people that will rush to his aid will be his team-mates *noted kambings always look out for one another.

If 4-5 able-bodied men are going to carry him off the pitch should something happen to him, then obviously, after that I will rush to his aid lah kan? *sayang-sayang

Hehehe...if he's reading this now, he'll be "yah yah whatever!"

You can "whatever whatever" all you want but I do care ...period *muacks

3rdly, the jolly-good-ladies.....we never fail to share our ups and downs together. Considering the fact that Shyai and Huda or any of the girls who have been attending the match are all younger than me... they are really a nice bunch.

Kambing FC have come this far. When they said the impossible is nothing, it is really nothing. Optimism in this team is super-duper strong...so thumbs up

Ok...so much about kambing(s)...I would like to dedicate this entry to my one and only kambing but he's not a pure kambing, he's a "keybing."

My keybing apparently said that he is preparing something for me and I felt so bad already because I did not prepare anything for him. It'll be our 12 months anniversary in 24 hours time but I told him that I might prepare something for him soon. For now, I can only give him my misses,kisses and love. (ok...so jiwang lah!)

We've gone through rough times and friends have known how much I teared and he knows how much I have teared (do you?) I care about you! The things he did to me, the things he said...... despite the odds, my heart keeps telling me that it's you.

My only wish is that we overcome any obstacles or test that's been thrown at us. And I seek for his honesty, sincerity, trust and dedication. There are times when I feel like the whole world is crashing down on me when things happened between us, but I love this hamba Allah so much, his imperfections too! (If only he knows how much he really means to me!)

I love you and I miss you...Fazli

To see you when I wake up

Is a gift I didn't think could be real.

To know that you feel the same as I do

Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that

I can't explain.

So would I be out of line if I said

"I miss you"

I see your picture.

I smell your skin on

The empty pillow next to mine.

You have only been gone ten days,

But already I'm wasting away.

I know I'll see you again

Whether far or soon.

But I need you to know that I care,

And I miss you.....Fazli

Courtesy of Incubus *I miss you*

wise old saying

2009-02-07T06:39:00.000-08:00

A union between 2 souls should be filled with trust,love,compromise and time.

One hand is clapping, how about the other?

I went jogging alone today,putting every sorrow aside before putting them again on my back.

SweetbMayhem

2009-02-03T07:04:00.000-08:00

Everyone's quick on their toes these days. It's such a busy week and it gets so busy that I hardly drink water. My throat's running dry but the endless crying and attention-calling is something I cannot miss.

There was no time to rest, no time to even sit and breathe properly. The only time my butt touches the floor was during Circle time. Then it was back to "rush hour period."

Beloved beau has been fetching me from work and sending me off for my tution session without fail every week. His aunt was kind enough to let him fetch the both of us from work since her workplace is a 20-minutes drive away from my place.

Today, I met his grandma. My heart was pounding but it was all gone for she was a very sweet lady and so was his aunt.
I did not realise that he was going to bring me to his house next, I was caught off-guard. It's been a long time since I last paid a visit there. Everyone was there. Mum told us to have dinner before going and beloved decided to take an all-girls picture of us eating together in front of the tv.

It was such a funny sight but I felt really happy.

Spree

2009-02-01T07:15:00.000-08:00

Good game today.

I got "burnt" today. Nose was red and almost peeling after my evening shower. I noticed 2 different tone on my arms....yikes!

During the match, my mind was split into two. I was catching up with the game and was also doing some quick-thinking on my own. It was hard for me to decide,extremely hard. Yes, the onus is on me yet I am in not in the right frame of mind to make a decision just yet.

I did spend some time with beloved beau. "Spree"

What's up with "spree?"

I wish I can elaborate much on this but I rather leave it as it is.

I was browsing through facebook and suddenly I received a message from my PE/hockey teacher-in-charge back in Pre-U. She added me to her friends' list.

I miss the good, old, hockey days. Ms Watee will try her very best to "settle" all her "little chatty, crazy chickies" down,hahahahaha!

I went through her page and she posted her wedding pictures online. I love it!

On of her wedding picture is super-duper ultra cool. She was holding on to her metallic, shiny blue Grays composite stick....SWEEEEETTTTTAAAA.....

This is the best wedding picture I've ever seen. Hockey is her passion and it's mine too though I never did get to play much of the game these days.

So I guess during my wedding day, I'll be holding on to my green Mazon hockey stick in case beloved beau does something funny behind my back,hehehehe. So if I decide to follow the "angmoh" throwing of the rose ceremony cheekily (hehehehe!), the next bride-to-be will get 2 things: a free gift from me which is my hockey stick and a huge bump on her head...yikes!

For now,back to lesson planning.....hai*

Mirror

2009-01-31T08:04:00.000-08:00

Lazy Saturday morning till mid-evening.

I almost forgot about the gathering being held at my colleague's place in Potong Pasir. Upon arrival, I was greeted with hugs and smiles from all my ex-colleagues. I felt so "alive" even though all of us shared painful memories at our workplace back then.

Gossips as usual, that has never fail to entertain everyone. I pitied those who are still "serving their sentence" but they are finding other options so I'm glad that they did. The food was great!
I missed seeing all my "godmothers" (3 in total : mother from China, from India and Philippines)

These women really took good care of me and I really look up to them. We love each other so much. We had our share of fun and laughter too and I admit, it's been a long time since I had this much fun. I was laughing like crazy, almost got into a laughing fit just hearing their stories.

One of my colleague brought her other-half along and my my my, he's one fine young man. I hate to lie to my good friend but I believed, she found herself a good catch. He gave me some tips and suprisingly he "clicked" well with everyone else.

Food was great. There was pasta, tortillas, barbequed chicken, salad and my all-time favourite cooked by my Fillipino mom, "cheesy baked rice."

When it came down to me, oh well.....despite saying that I'm "glowing" all over, they said that deep down I was a different person. They said, I look sad despite the smile across my face.

Am I?

Despair

2009-01-30T22:17:00.000-08:00

I believe the problem with me lies in ME. I am the problem!

I think too much...too much. I think too much of others and not myself. I call that a problem, a huge problem in Life.

I think too much up to the point where things are not happening yet I envisioned that it will happen soon. What the 'fish' is wrong with me?

"Sandwiched"

2009-01-30T22:04:00.000-08:00

Where matters of the heart is concerned, it is never that easy to make everyone happy...never!

When you make one happy,the other gets upset and you ended up feeling really, really bad and guilty. I hated that feeling, hated it so much.

All I wanted to do is make everyone happy. I guess I was afraid of losing someone along the way. To lose someone you love along the way is a huge loss for me....really!

Even now, I feel that I have lost some of most important people in life and I feel bad and sad over it.

They said that in Life, you win some, you lose some. You can't win all the way and you definitely won't lose all the way. In all fairness, only you can make the difference in building close rapport and strengthening the camarederie between your fellow comrades.

For now, I'm "sandwiched" in between. I am and I don't feel good. Losing one is a temporary loss for me but losing both means DEPRESSION.....and I do not want to end up this way...no way... I admit...I am not strong for this because I am human afterall.

We'll see how things go but for now.....all I have to do is pray for the best.

Matters of the heart

2009-01-29T07:17:00.000-08:00

The heart is not content yet it is filled up, up to its brim.

I know people are unhappy,sad and possibly angry. They're controlling their emotion, their anger..only time can tell when such trivial matters can be resolve.

I've been feeling rather melancholic these days. I'm happy yet a little sad,hmm....hormonal changes perharps?

I'm procrastinating yet again. There's plenty of things to be done and I am feeling oh-so-lethargic just thinking about it.

What do I do?

Possibly some great place to hibernate, that's nice!

Faith

2009-01-28T10:10:00.000-08:00

It is alright to cry...at times

It is alright to get hurt...at times

Whether it is a prick or a thorn, whether one is hurt or despair, it is God's way of cleansing our sins and mistakes.

To the hamba Allah who has been crying his heart out for the person he loves the most, and not willing to let go, "be strong my friend, have faith!"

(to my cousin, I believe Ferd loves you a lot *smiles)

Time check: 2.14am

I am still wide awake.

I'm full of air...thanks to mix combination of cheese, chives (I think!), basil and beef jerky.

A "PHAT" day for me and you! *grins and burps, excuse me

Mukadeema

2009-01-27T06:33:00.001-08:00

Hi my name is ezan

Cool-ah..kulashakers shambles giler seh (whatever that means, I just made it up er...like seconds ago!)

I love you Huda, not because you have just created a super-duper ultra-cool blog for me but for everything,hehehe...you know I've always loved you,hehehehe!

I decided to have Huda's imprint here thus which is why I'm not deleting the opening credit by her...ceh ceh ceh...."Hi my name is ezan."

Now....a new chapter begins. All entries in 2008 are just little memoirs for me. All the nice little pictures, happy, crazy entries coupled with painful ones...oh well...life goes on!

This time, my goal: Make the entries as short as possible. I'm very long-winded at times so I need to curb it.

Thank you Huda, once again. I'll "belanja" you one buddy meal ok? (LOL....)

Thought for today:

Mistakes are mistakes, though it's repetitive, learn from it. As human, we do err but there is no reason for pessimism in every thought. Treat me good and I'll do the same.

Ecod