my brother is having a very bad cold and I'm too afraid to get near him because I hate colds...seriously.
I'm feeling lethargic at work. My passion for work is diminishing bit by bit. It is really sad when you lose interest and passion in what you do best in life. Well, I'm not saying that I'm ultimately the best but yeah, I'm confident in what I'm doing and of course I give my best in everything.
Lately, things are not looking too well for me at work. I told myself I have to be extra patient especially during Ramadhan. I have always been patient but this time, I'm being tested yet again. I'm frustrated, I'm angry and I'm afraid I'll go berserk soon.
It's just too much for me.
When parents come to me, asking me how am I able to withstand such tedious routines, screaming, crying children, their whinnings, I told them it's part of the job and it's something which I feel I'm good at. Yes,it's crazy but they are afterall children.
It's just that with the situation right now, I'm really frustrated. I'm not able to deliver 'quality' because quantity overrules everything and I hate it.
I would like to be able to do something with my children. Seeing them doing the extraordinary, learning something new or discovering something which is totally beyond anyone's imagination really takes my breath away. It's a lot of hardwork but it pays off.
But now,
I can't seem to to be able to do all that anymore. It's really a domino effect. When children gets restless, we take it in our stride and deliver the best for them. We distract them with something unique and out of this world. But when it gets too much, we get restless too.When that happens, we are not able to deliver. When we are not able to deliver, parents will get a little upset. And that will affect their community circle as well.
It's a chain of thought. It's seriously driving me crazy. It's exactly the same experience I had with my previous centre except that I'm handling a different age group now, the "little twos."
I'm also experiencing back aches.
Some people make it sound so easy. I'm not complaining about my responsibilities as an early educator to young individuals because I love my job but I'm complaining of the fact that I'm not able to deliver and carry my responsibilities well. I do not want to compromise anything especially the children, they're still very young.
I believed, this is the similar problem faced by many pre-school educators in Singapore, in most centres.
People said I'm being too hard on myself....am I? Reality check dude, what is life without challenges? Everything's going to be stagnant. If I'm not challenging myself, everything's going to be stagnant. If you want the best for something, of course you have to work hard and earn it. But if it really gets into your nerves and your goals are not achieved because of certain factors, it's pointless.
I do not wish to drag myself to work, that sucks big time.
My head hurts like crazy at the end of the first session and I totally zonk-out. I have a few back-logs and I have not been updating..why? I'm frustrated!
Labels: work
