I'm happy with the way things are now but...I feel it's not complete yet. I'm content...yes...but it's still not enough. Being humans, we are constantly trying to gather as much as we can to be happy.
Let's gather certain facts about life in general:
1) I have a stable job which gives me a stable income. I am happy..yes...but to sustain me for long, I don't think it's enough because cost of living is increasing.
2) I'm not homeless...yes...but in time to come, I will have to move out once I'm married or Ill buy over the house which I do not want to in the first place because I don't need a 5-room flat.
3) I'm with a man now (funny how I put it this way!) OK....fine I'm in a relationship with someone and yes...there were the ups and downs but I'm happy because I have someone whom I'm praying and hoping that he is going to be the one and only...Fazli.
4) I have a great circle of friends (now...this is the only complete circle I've noticed so far...friends!)
5) I do not have a driving license which I hope to get one day so my circle's not complete.
6) I believed that with the money I spent on er...certain things could have been the expenses to bring me to places which I have been wanting to set my foot on for e.g. Australia, London, Dubai, Vietnam, Norway, Germany, Holland, America and etc. I told myself that I would love to backpack but I guess these are just dreams that will take a long time to come true.
7) I have yet to attain a degree...I'm still contemplating.(which I shouldn't be in the first place)
8) I would like my savings account to grow tremendously but each time it grows, I had to ruin it by taking it out for certain purposes. That really sucks!
9) I hope to get married on my 25th birthday which is like what...next year. Whether or not it will come true is a totally different thing altogether.
10) I would like to have my own children by the time I'm 26 which is like in 2 years time but I think this can only be made possible if I'm married in the first place.
I can give you a whole complete list if I want to because as a human being, it is never enough. It's just like women and shopping...it's never enough. It's just like men and their bikes and cars, it is never enough.
I have been teasing Faz about his bike and though we have spend like more than 1k on it, it is never complete. In my perspective, it is complete but I don't know much about bikes so in his terms, it is only the beginning and there's more to come. Sigh........
Savings....we have started with this but it's going on really slow. I did freelancing at times and I thought this can be used as an surplus to be added to our savings account but something always crop up at the last minute and the money which I earned within the week is gone within seconds.
Sometimes when I think about it, I just couldn't accept it. I'm not even married but this is happening to me. I get frustrated at times.
Then again, I told myself that this is part and parcel of life and it is only the beginning. When I looked at my parents, they have come this far to support my brother and I in everything. It's good enough that I have a place to reside, without them, I guess I'll be on the streets.
But right now, I'm supporting myself. My parents have stopped supporting me and this is the life I'm leading right now....a start to everything. I do feel the pinch but I guess everyone's going through it right now.
Then I think about God, He decides everything....afterall he created me. However there's a famous quote, "Carpe Diem" which I believe truly in it about seizing the day. We can't have it our way all the time and life's about seizing the day, one day at a time. It's good to plan ahead but I guess that's a whole different story altogether.
Life is also about waiting for the right moment to act, for me..... I feel it's the right moment but this will only put pressure on the people around me.
The thing I really hope and wish for, something which I have been praying for all this while is:
complete trust, responsibility and commitment.....that's all I need.
Labels: Carpe diem
